Week 1: Camp Bell vs. YDK [Camp bell wins, 7-4.]

[kannon]

I was gonna use my last vote on Certain and Frank since it has less votes than this and inno vs. dove, but since these two battles are a lot closer, I'll drop votes here.

Bell Camp. I was excited to read your verse immediately because the lines are all the same length haha. It flowed super well throughout. Which always makes these things easier to read for me. I like this piece a lot. Unfortunately, I didn't really like the literal take on the picture being an actual picture that he drew of her. I liked it more when it was metaphoric. Unless the last line was meant as a metaphor, too. Oh shit. Who knows! You do. But I don't. I digress. There were a couple spots of shaky wording to make the schemes fit; "was I saved or survived," and "do brutal things to stupor me" stand out the most. I wish you had introduced the idea of the woman being a teacher earlier in the piece. With the lack of elaboration around that point, and the late revelation, it almost seems like it could have just been thrown in to make the rhyme work. But overall, this was a really good piece. Very well written, mechanics were sound, flow was dope. Yeah..

YDK, which I'm assuming stands for, "Your Dick Knows." I had to read this piece a couple times to try to connect the last four bars to the entire rest of the piece. The whole first chunk seems to be using the proverbial "you." But the ending seems to be a lot more specific. I'm not sure if the bride died from a drug overdose? Or if the random death of his bride led him to drugs? It seems like the former would be more logical. Sounds like she was super into drugs, and doctors tried to prescribe her drugs to get her off the drugs, and eventually the drugs killed her on the morning of her wedding. I guess my biggest quandary at this point is how the wedding ties in. It seems like a weird pre-wedding ritual to do a bunch of drugs. I like that you incorporated the time on the clock into your piece, but the whole wedding take seemed a bit forced. Overall, I felt like this was a strong start into a rushed ending that kinda just didn't sit right :/

Vote is for campbell's chicken noodle soup