Week 1: Camp Bell vs. YDK [Camp bell wins, 7-4.]

[theMuzzl3]

Both being veterans, at this point I would think one of them makes it to at least the semi-finals.

Campbell:

You're verses struck me precisely as full of emotion. An engagement of lines written by the woman pictured had me at awe of your writing skills. I am still unsure of what metaphorical stuff you tied into it, but it seemed like there was a story behind the lines. I love how you took the picture and turned it into a story of what she went through. Too many lines ending with "me" docked you a little bit, and a lot of your lines rhymed (which in AOWL isn't a big deal I guess, but it impresses me). You also posted a day or two early, and I think the words/storyline/structure was great, which impresses me. Your lines all lined up very well, and if it weren't for the "me" overuse, I'd score you a 9.

As far as possible grammatical errors (which I won't dock points for, since this is poetry and AOWL): "the shaped of" should be "the shape of", or "and shaped".

As far as constructive criticism, I can't do of much, except for using the word "me" and "i" too much.

The creativity is mostly what I'm voting on, and I give you an 8/10


YDK

Your lines were very creative and very well executed. There seemed to be some metaphors going on… which I wasn't completely aware of. You strayed at the beginning to your own idea and tied it together at the end to associate with the picture. Your grammar was perfect, and your structure was extremely good.

My favorite lines were:

Originally Posted by YDK

And the spoken thoughts of an author become notes of a broken promise.
Misdiagnosed? I vomit. The cure for addiction is nonsense

I wasn't sure how you were tying in the coke fiend into the subject matter, but looking again at the picture made it clear as to what you were going for. This is tough, you deserve an 8, but I'm giving you an 8.5/10

This was a tough one to score, and it was VERY close, but given this is AOWL and syllables/line length don't count that much… I'ma have to:

/v YDK