The Will for Revenge

AndyHiro · 09-28-2014, 03:12 AM

Damn. Why is everyone sleeping on this? It's a fucking travesty. Made a motherfucker actually register to give a decent review. Them people at Netcees should give Mercy a big thank you.

First off this is probably my favorite drop on the first page right now. The pacing of the narrative made it feel like I was reading a short story. I have no quotes to put up as my fave because this isn't a one liner piece and to single out a quote would cheapen it.

I do however really like the reveal when it's David. And I love how the theme of revenge comes back around to put your friend into his grave. Actually that sounded really wrong. You know what I mean.

Also I really fucks with this type of rhyme scheme, I noticed some of the drops here use real advanced schemes but I'm finding them to mostly be distracting from the message rather then enhancing it for me. Or maybe its just cuz i'm near illiterate I dunno.

I like this type of natural flow especially the scheme in part 1. Part 2 feels a little more forced for me in some parts but not enough to be a major thing. If I were to pick out the most distractingly awkward part for me however it would probably be

"I guess I threw it all away, just to help avenge the fallen.
For what it's worth, this kid's my brother and I'm here always."

It seems a little weird for me here. I feel it could be cleaned up a bit. Then again I bet Jay Z could make that sound real cool so what do I know.

Anyway. You got skills Mercy. I'm real jelly.

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09-28-2014, 03:12 AM	#4
AndyHiro Yeah Im kinda like that Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 107 Rep Power: 0	Damn. Why is everyone sleeping on this? It's a fucking travesty. Made a motherfucker actually register to give a decent review. Them people at Netcees should give Mercy a big thank you. First off this is probably my favorite drop on the first page right now. The pacing of the narrative made it feel like I was reading a short story. I have no quotes to put up as my fave because this isn't a one liner piece and to single out a quote would cheapen it. I do however really like the reveal when it's David. And I love how the theme of revenge comes back around to put your friend into his grave. Actually that sounded really wrong. You know what I mean. Also I really fucks with this type of rhyme scheme, I noticed some of the drops here use real advanced schemes but I'm finding them to mostly be distracting from the message rather then enhancing it for me. Or maybe its just cuz i'm near illiterate I dunno. I like this type of natural flow especially the scheme in part 1. Part 2 feels a little more forced for me in some parts but not enough to be a major thing. If I were to pick out the most distractingly awkward part for me however it would probably be "I guess I threw it all away, just to help avenge the fallen. For what it's worth, this kid's my brother and I'm here always." It seems a little weird for me here. I feel it could be cleaned up a bit. Then again I bet Jay Z could make that sound real cool so what do I know. Anyway. You got skills Mercy. I'm real jelly.