Connected

[big baby]

Topicals, in a sense are formulaic. I sort of cringe when reading and I see the end of the line approaching peripherally. I don want the line to end. And part of me doesn't like stanzas for that matter, because since its so formulaic, the emotions embedded are almost thrusted into you at the beginning when the author is explaining or describing any sort. In an instance where you went on with the longer scheme in the first paragraph, that was probably the only instance this didnt prove true. But that's probably the ONLY instance where you did that. I hate feeling that I think I know what's going to come up next. IT's a step up from the battle arena where its set-up, punch, diss, set up, punch. Repeat. In a topical, more poetic lounge, you can negate that formula and create your own. This here seemed like you never really took a step and pivoted with a dance of your own tune. You just sort of wrote - quite well, but you just wrote.

Also in one tune, it's just...when I read things, I read them and I say, "that doesn't make that MUCH sense, in that context" but as a reader I can digest things differently, but theres instances where lines don't really have a accurate measure of things. And the meaning is so far off, that connecting with the reader becomes futile, and it may turn the reader off, like in this line here

drunk nor complacent,

you seem to be connecting the two in some sort of fashion when in reality these two definition CAN be connected but not in such a relative manner. Dont get me wrong, they CAN be, by definition, but when you think complacency and its intri***ies, yes the feeling a emotionally invested inebriated state can bring out complacency, but the way you brought it out and presented it seemed mediocre to me. (I do get the picture you're trying to paint, between a modern disquietude and the connections they may, or may not perceive to be enjoyable)

Overall I read this verse many times. About 10. More than any other verse I've read in awhile. Just because I was trying to digest as much of it as I can. I did this throughout a period from the day you posted it, until now. I had much more feed each day I was writing a comment, but decided to save it till later. I wanted to pinpoint objectives I think you lacked in. We all know this is better than average, but I don't think you really got out enough as you wanted too. You seemed stuck at times, even if you did get out as much as you warranted