AOWL Week 7 Champ: Frank (5-0) vs. Red glare (4-1) [FRANK WINS, 12-1.]

Soulstice · 04-01-2013, 09:06 PM

glare - tight schemes but as you traversed the world in your final lines it sort of fell off and the rhymes got a little old. throwing out places just for the sake of the scheme. a lot of solid references though, couldve added more substance to the piece instead of just listing things for the sake of imagery and rhyme. this concept seemed to be an interesting take on jesus and herod in a way, and the ending was a bit 'edgy' i guess, at least if the reader is a modern suburban believer.

frank - definitely a dope, original verse. gotta give props on the origina concept and execution of the piece. the imagery was fantastic as well, from the sky to the forest to the scents and the characters. the little insertion about the native clothing being dignified was top-notch social commentary as well. good to see that in a piece, gives it another dimension of thoughtfulness from the writer. i think the syllable count was a little off on more than a few of your rhymes, but the imagery and concept was too much for red glare in this match.

red glare had the flow, but frank had the rest
v- frank, in a battle of two refreshingly original verses

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04-01-2013, 09:06 PM	#1
Soulstice native system Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 387 Battle Record: 18-21 Champed - Short-Verse Topical Rep Power: 4453411	glare - tight schemes but as you traversed the world in your final lines it sort of fell off and the rhymes got a little old. throwing out places just for the sake of the scheme. a lot of solid references though, couldve added more substance to the piece instead of just listing things for the sake of imagery and rhyme. this concept seemed to be an interesting take on jesus and herod in a way, and the ending was a bit 'edgy' i guess, at least if the reader is a modern suburban believer. frank - definitely a dope, original verse. gotta give props on the origina concept and execution of the piece. the imagery was fantastic as well, from the sky to the forest to the scents and the characters. the little insertion about the native clothing being dignified was top-notch social commentary as well. good to see that in a piece, gives it another dimension of thoughtfulness from the writer. i think the syllable count was a little off on more than a few of your rhymes, but the imagery and concept was too much for red glare in this match. red glare had the flow, but frank had the rest v- frank, in a battle of two refreshingly original verses