Broken minded

Just Write · 04-01-2013, 02:21 PM

this was pretty ill, got a nice swag about it. enjoyed the first and last portions the best, the middle kinda fell of for me

EDIT: @Flo Real i'm on my computer so i will break this down and give some proper feed now

Watch it Kid i have a rabid habbit to blast my gasket,
wear a mask of shards of glass, to cover my scarred past bitch,
Carry a basket of broken hearts an dolls, with heads twisted,
quick to display dark arts stick around, i throw quite a picnic.

lol dope opener, jumped right into it. If i can make a suggestion, i think there should have been a comma or an ellipsis after "dark arts" ionno, seems like there should be a pause there but i dont know how you voice it.

I dress in bloody vests with barbed wire tied tight around my chest,
use flagellation to best frustrations, though i was never truely blessed.

+10 for making me look up flagellation

I never joke but been known to jest, i laugh an cry with fury,
tears of blood make my eyes blurry an stained my skin, like slurry.

ok i know what slurry is and i'm going to let it slide because technically it's accurate but stain like slurry? lol.. fasho

My reflection is my best friend - told me i might be sectioned,
But i dont take notice, because hes just my minds invention.
Never sleep im always awake, but thats not how i was made,
took a day to cut out my eyelids, with sharpened razor blades.
I scream with more intensity then a thousand legions burning,
its not a dream, its more my plea, to heal the pain n hurting.
Envision living in vicious prisons, cats hangin of the wall,
pussys slashed, i dont mean pussy gash, there gats lyin on the floor.

I fucking loved this part man, fire

My brain contains all the worlds pain, this is called a paradox..
My veins contain all worlds evils, dare you cut open pandoras box?
Tried to sell my soul to the devil, was told its too cold to use,
so cut his throat an for good measure, i cut the boatmans too.

lol, nice shit right there man

Bathe in innocence and childrens ligaments, then wash myself in soap.
My wickedness is magnificent, you'll struggle to swallow it n you'll choke!
So kid, if you wanna hang with me, make sure you read what I wrote,
Use you head, cus to hang with me, is to hang yourself with rope!

finished off nicely

yea man, this was a good solid drop, love the gruesomeness, definitely inspired me to try something like this lol, kudos and thanks for the read.

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04-01-2013, 02:21 PM	#14
Just Write Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,709 Battle Record: 9-12 Rep Power: 4997617	this was pretty ill, got a nice swag about it. enjoyed the first and last portions the best, the middle kinda fell of for me EDIT: @Flo Real i'm on my computer so i will break this down and give some proper feed now Watch it Kid i have a rabid habbit to blast my gasket, wear a mask of shards of glass, to cover my scarred past bitch, Carry a basket of broken hearts an dolls, with heads twisted, quick to display dark arts stick around, i throw quite a picnic. lol dope opener, jumped right into it. If i can make a suggestion, i think there should have been a comma or an ellipsis after "dark arts" ionno, seems like there should be a pause there but i dont know how you voice it. I dress in bloody vests with barbed wire tied tight around my chest, use flagellation to best frustrations, though i was never truely blessed. +10 for making me look up flagellation I never joke but been known to jest, i laugh an cry with fury, tears of blood make my eyes blurry an stained my skin, like slurry. ok i know what slurry is and i'm going to let it slide because technically it's accurate but stain like slurry? lol.. fasho My reflection is my best friend - told me i might be sectioned, But i dont take notice, because hes just my minds invention. Never sleep im always awake, but thats not how i was made, took a day to cut out my eyelids, with sharpened razor blades. I scream with more intensity then a thousand legions burning, its not a dream, its more my plea, to heal the pain n hurting. Envision living in vicious prisons, cats hangin of the wall, pussys slashed, i dont mean pussy gash, there gats lyin on the floor. I fucking loved this part man, fire My brain contains all the worlds pain, this is called a paradox.. My veins contain all worlds evils, dare you cut open pandoras box? Tried to sell my soul to the devil, was told its too cold to use, so cut his throat an for good measure, i cut the boatmans too. lol, nice shit right there man Bathe in innocence and childrens ligaments, then wash myself in soap. My wickedness is magnificent, you'll struggle to swallow it n you'll choke! So kid, if you wanna hang with me, make sure you read what I wrote, Use you head, cus to hang with me, is to hang yourself with rope! finished off nicely yea man, this was a good solid drop, love the gruesomeness, definitely inspired me to try something like this lol, kudos and thanks for the read.