Soapbox Paradox

[Paradigm]

I've been unleashed. A dead man gave me a license to preach.
Survive or to feast? Instincts trump choice in the mind of a beast.
Through the eyes of a priest - Praised whether alive or deceased.
Faith truthfully is the subtle difference between lies & deceits.
A spiritual guide to the meek. Purgatory is psychosis in dreams.
The notions obscene. Lost somewhere among the locusts & screams,
Death is foreseen. A shimmer in the distance & the scent of chlorine.
The Synapse - whiplash. Repentance & grief. A sunrise on the beach,
surprise of defeat surmised in the speech. Every sentence is brief
but the message is deep. A dead man gives you a license to preach.
A Charlatans Dichotomy - Sell you my soul & barter art & philosophy.
Hope & despair are commodities; The balance of heart & psychology.
Narcissistic Perspective - Self-reflection or... artistic expression?
Your harshest critic is perceptive. Self-Conscience of perception
at the price of progression like you've never told a lie in confession.
The Dissonance of Cultures - Capitalist cultists burning effigies.
Bohemian Grove to Black Rock Desert, Wicker Men sold separately.
Fire-walking the embers, let your mind, body & soul reach ecstasy.
The Synapse - Whiplash. Defeat & empathy. I can preach endlessly
31 candles on my 30th birthday, they no longer think less of me.

- Paradigm

lol I suck I was going to write 40lines but i kind of just said fuck it... leave a link i'll rtf

[Pharaohs Army]

i think it's fire.. for some reason i liked when you ended that 7th line with the word "chlorine"..
the final line is puzzling to me. i'd love to ask you what it means.

[Paradigm]

Originally Posted by pharaohsarmy52

i think it's fire.. for some reason i liked when you ended that 7th line with the word "chlorine"..
the final line is puzzling to me. i'd love to ask you what it means.

Hint: Catholics/Effigy/Extra Candle etc

thanks for the feed

[UnbornBuddha]

This was well written my brother. Although I do feel it lacked some sense of creativity because some of the lines had a sense of predictability.
It could use more exploration, and more interconnection of the piece as a whole. Which by the looks of it you seem capable of.
Nonetheless, it was written in a very straightforward fashion that I thoroughly enjoyed.
My favorite lines were these:
"A spiritual guide to the meek. Purgatory is psychosis in dreams.
The notions obscene. Lost somewhere among the locusts & screams,

A Charlatans Dichotomy - Sell you my soul & barter art & philosophy.
Hope & despair are commodities; The balance of heart & psychology"

[Paradigm]

Word, that's kind of why I stopped writing it cuz it got a little scatterbrained. Thanks for the feed I'll hit up your pieces here later tonight.

[Vulgar]

The Dissonance of Cultures - Capitalist cultists burning effigies.
Bohemian Grove to Black Rock Desert, Wicker Men sold separately.

That bar was rugged. I don't know, seems like you're trying too hard to be complex. Just be natural about it. Just because it's not a battle verse doesn't mean punchlines won't make it better, also - HF heads were usually the best at integrating that aspect of their writing into their topicals. Some food for thought, good post.

[big baby]

too fucking sad dude. scent of chlorine?

[Paradigm]

Originally Posted by big baby

too fucking sad dude. scent of chlorine?

death is coming etc.

@Vulgar I get what you're saying, thanks dudebro

[Free]

This was all around a good piece.. I kind of agree with vulgar, at some points it did seem like you were forcing concepts to be complex, but your not the only person ive seen do that on here.. when all is said an done though it was dope

[sral]

Wickerman line was dope, I love that movie. (The original, not the Nicholas Lame shitmake)

Your topical style actually reminds me a lot of @ill nik-A, I don't know if you've read much by him but almost everything from the rhyme scheme jumping around to the 'scatterbrained' type writing where one thought jumps to another etc - It's real reminiscent, to me at least, and I've known of nik-A for a decade or more.

There's great wording in parts right through this, ala @dead man at points with your turn of phrase. I really enjoyed this. Thanks for feeding my drop.

Keep that pen moving!

[Paradigm]

Thanks for the feed

[dead man]

kinda seeing where you were going with this. trying out a new style, stretching out and obviously scraping some of the rust off from your extended absence.

took note of the first line and def appreciated the mention.

purgatory is psychosis in dreams.

- might have to use this as a springboard for something else.

Narcissistic Perspective - Self-reflection or... artistic expression?

i think we all ask ourselves this question every now and then. i also don't think the answer is so simple.

Capitalist cultists burning effigies.

just started playing dark souls so this was dope to me.

you're re-carving out a style of your own. i think ive commented on the search for a "voice" in another of your posts.. definitely gaining traction and (hopefully) having fun playing with ideas. it will feel natural when its supposed to, i think

thanks kin. i also hate that theres somebody named kin posting in here cause i always gotta double-take thinking you changed your name back


but yea

[Split]

Originally Posted by Paradigm

A spiritual guide to the meek. Purgatory is psychosis in dreams.

surprise of defeat surmised in the speech.

A Charlatans Dichotomy - Sell you my soul & barter art & philosophy.
Hope & despair are commodities; The balance of heart & psychology.

Narcissistic Perspective - Self-reflection or... artistic expression?


The Synapse - Whiplash. Defeat & empathy. I can preach endlessly
31 candles on my 30th birthday, they no longer think less of me.

I liked those lines, they were thought-provoking. The rhyme scheme at the end was meh, but overall good rhyming and wording.

You're a pretty smart dude, a lot of those concepts were complex/ very well done.


Got the impression you were trying way too hard to emulate Black, though. Even if you weren't doing it on purpose, if you read one of his drops next to this one it's ugh.


The repetition was badly done, and probably the biggest negative. Some concepts seemed a bit tryhard, it was like philosophical overload. I think you could have definitely toned down the abstraction. The imagery (chlorine, firewalk, the place references) felt very out of place.

Overall, it was like... cool, but why?

[Paradigm]

i wasn't self consciously trying to emulate the gawd black. My style is just abstract and thats why I like his writing so much but I get what youre saying, thanks for the feed its appreciated. hit me up if with a link next time you post @Split

[Split]

Originally Posted by Paradigm

i wasn't self consciously trying to emulate the gawd black. My style is just abstract and thats why I like his writing so much but I get what youre saying, thanks for the feed its appreciated. hit me up if with a link next time you post @Split

I feel you dude, I tend toward abstract writing too.

Haha naw you're always feeding my drops, no worries. Stay active.