"Still Trippin"

Nigma · 03-28-2013, 06:23 PM

First and second stanza don't feel like they really belong together, but both have strong points in their own light. You could probably build a separate verse out of both of them. The rhyme scheme in the last half the first section was really nice. Breaking bad line could have been reworded to work out better then it did. The second verse was pretty strong besides that, up until the last couple lines which I wasn't a big fan of. Id say you should consider these two a work in progress and continue to whittle away at it. I enjoyed this for what it was

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03-28-2013, 06:23 PM	#1
Nigma The COAT... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 1,723 Battle Record: 28-20 Champed - Art of Writing League (x3) Rep Power: 4595813	First and second stanza don't feel like they really belong together, but both have strong points in their own light. You could probably build a separate verse out of both of them. The rhyme scheme in the last half the first section was really nice. Breaking bad line could have been reworded to work out better then it did. The second verse was pretty strong besides that, up until the last couple lines which I wasn't a big fan of. Id say you should consider these two a work in progress and continue to whittle away at it. I enjoyed this for what it was