I'M SOO ALCHA

[david stern razor burns]

I'm so alcha, I don't even tip my waitress, it's awesome. I'll get filthy wasted in fifty places by autumn. I'm so alcha my tipsy stage forgotten.. And right to hammered. I'm so alcha my life is glamor. And glitz. I was in the van with your bitch, with both hands on my drink. She was like “You’re so alcha, you're driving me crazy”. I said “Bitch, shut the fuck up, I'm driving, it's crazy”. I'm trying to stay in these lines but they're wavy. I'm looking at signs to guide me to safety, but if you look at me drive it's a sign that I'm faded. I'm so alcha you can find me in Vegas, lively as Blake is. Life of the party, with some tight little hotty while I'm climbing the stages right in the lobby. I fly in for April, and drink till its August. What I’m trying to say is I'm a big alcoholic. Cause I’m SO ALCHA I’m in a permanent drunk state. I’m on a murderous drug rage in my convertible Mustang holding pertinent information from the burglary upstate. I’m a person of interest last seen in a burgundy tux stained with purplish blood spats and a perfect shaped moustache. I observed the great blood bath with some vanity. Increased the murder-rate and drug stats single handedly. And I'm so alcha I always got a drink in my hand. Single handedly swigging this can, getting shittered royally like the king of Japan. I'm so alcha I'm the friggin man. I'm so alcha my fridge is packed, front to back with friggin alch. And my pad's too frigid, fuck a wack room temperature. Straight CHILLIN in my Pabst blue ribbon shirt. I'm an asshole Tinder perp when I relapse on the syzzurp; bombin on these bitches like a jihad on a sinner. Plus my screen tag is a winner, you can follow me on Twitter @rehabisforquitters. I'm SO ALCHA. Nicknamed Whisky Face, the shit I drink is painful. Every sip I take eliminates a brain cell. I been awake for days now... I'm so alcha that my liver ain't the same how I could take a piss that if you drank, you'de literally get tanked now. I'm so alcha that I broke the wagon from jumping. I could smoke a chalice for nothin, with coke in the basin. And it still wouldn't overpower my buzzin when I toke the flame in. I get totally wasted on Boeing airplains when I'm coasting to other nations. But I'm on layover in Copenhagen, sober. Coping by chewing on Copenhagen to hold me over. POST mortem. Cause ya'll killing my buzz from the most boredom. You so average it's fuckin absurd. I'm so alcha I stumble and slur. Humpin ya girl cause I'm so savage. I'm a drunk on the verge of rock bottom. At my intervention chuggin a beer while the cops watchin. Gosh darn it I'm cold dammit, and not stoppin. I'm so alcha. I'm SO ALCHA!!!!!