Once the Origin is seen.

[Split]

I like your wording/ the technicality of your writing. Everything is stitched together well. I think presentation could be better (capitalizing rhymes, thread title choice).

The rhymes were nonstandard and flowed together well.


The intro was rough.. you didn't provide any motivation/ reasoning for "seeking abyss" and the frame story of the birthday party felt forced. Just let it come across as a philosophical treatise a la Coup or Veritas.

This was an "enlightenment flex" almost. Cool. You have a scholarly, abstract style that relies a lot on the reader's dissection of your collected themes. A mosaic/ modular narrative method. In places I was a tad lost in the references, more like a museum at night rather than a forest at dawn.

Favorite line-

"Every Instant your Pensive trying to Diminish the Limits constructed by that which believes Witnesses its Thinking is time wasted defeating a non-Existent Behemoth."

conceptually sound & very rhythmic, though very dense. Looking forward to reading one of your stories/ "show, don't tell" type drops