AOWL Week 6: Brass Body (0-0) VS. TopicalDood5 (0-0) [TOPICALDOOD5 wins, 8-3.]

[Adonis]

Battle of the god awful screen names huh? JK, not really though

Brass Body - First off, very nice flow sir. There were only minor hiccups due to wording, rather meanings of lines I.e "If Mars had a stage, Martians would witness my art of power displayed" To me this doesn't fit in with the rest of the piece..IMO. I also am not in love with the use of the topic, but I never really judge too much on that aspect. I see the attempt at imagery but yet feel imagery potentially could have overshadowed this entire verse, but there was not enough to do so. I mostly enjoyed the final stanza, it tied the topic together with the first stanza but simply put, explained everything. Most notably you delved into who the character is, during and after his career. Solid piece, I enjoyed it, especially the way it read, very quick, to the point yet didn't lack detail.


TopicalDood5 - I love the opener, cobwebs, corners and a candle. Nice imagery to kick shit off. First read, very wordy, too much for my taste in fact. 3PA? Deep piece, I can't sift out the focal point or meaning of it all. It has layers of knowledge which is cool. But, in the end too vague and not enough of the "point". I took it as a literal scholar, just a man, not sure how that ties into Venus and Mars however. This piece was filled with discreet imagery that I loved, the dark skies, a withered wise man trying to figure out the secret of immortality. But alas, we all die. All in all, solid verse, deep with quite a bit of imagery.


Vote - Brass Body - This is a close call for me, I think you guys both formatted very well, nice rhyme schemes and I loved the change up in topical dude's second stanza. You both had imagery, more for topical, but then on the other hand Brass hit me with emotion of a fighter grown old whose given everything he had to give. Also, one was a bit too wordy for my normal likes, but make no mistake, both of these verses were written extremely well by two vets who have obvious talent, yet one, I felt was executed just a bit better. great verses to you both.