Planet Music

Zen · 06-24-2014, 07:31 PM

I think you and music need to get a room.

Lol but this was cool for a first drop I suppose. I didn't understand "loom amusement" though. Some lines were a little too stretched for my taste, too. Kinda messed up the flow. I agree with black about the language being out of place in parts as well. Like "moon glistens", and in order for it to rhyme you make it "soothed listen", which isn't really correct English. I do the same thing from time to time, but that's just because I'm lazy nawmsayin? Keep dropping, Bruce.

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06-24-2014, 07:31 PM	#5
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	I think you and music need to get a room. Lol but this was cool for a first drop I suppose. I didn't understand "loom amusement" though. Some lines were a little too stretched for my taste, too. Kinda messed up the flow. I agree with black about the language being out of place in parts as well. Like "moon glistens", and in order for it to rhyme you make it "soothed listen", which isn't really correct English. I do the same thing from time to time, but that's just because I'm lazy nawmsayin? Keep dropping, Bruce.