The Storm

Vulgar · 06-07-2014, 02:20 AM

"Jesus, tears fill my face from my eyes. I'm all alone, chained to my pride. I went on a walk thinking on my life. At first I thought of ways to try and make her mine. That wouldn't happen. Give it a break. I sighed."

The way you portrayed the emotional response to rejection was really involving. I think most human beings go through these trials. Accessible, good rhyming, similar to oatmeal's strengths. A little more metaphorical experimentation would work well for you, methinks.

Keep doing you

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06-07-2014, 02:20 AM	#2
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	"Jesus, tears fill my face from my eyes. I'm all alone, chained to my pride. I went on a walk thinking on my life. At first I thought of ways to try and make her mine. That wouldn't happen. Give it a break. I sighed." The way you portrayed the emotional response to rejection was really involving. I think most human beings go through these trials. Accessible, good rhyming, similar to oatmeal's strengths. A little more metaphorical experimentation would work well for you, methinks. Keep doing you