Week 14: 11. patrown (2-2) vs. 12. Soulstice (1-4) \\ Soulstice wins 6-0

[Certain]

patrown: Though every part of this verse was interesting on its own, it never came together. The ending was solid but didn't feel like the full realization of the entire work as much as another strong segment. There wasn't a whole lot of ambition here, rather a sorting through thoughts on the general concept presented.

Soulstice: While I don't think you developed the emotional protagonist of the father well enough, the stuff about the school shooting was written in a very compelling way. The bluebirds line was particularly strong. I liked the way this tied into the topic, too. This was another fine example of your storytelling prowess, but it might have worked better to have done more to characterize the father.

Vote: Soulstice

[Frank]

Pat

Solid verse. A lot of switches in scheme quality gave the piece a unpredictable aspect. You went from matching words perfectly to going off of sounds of last syllables. Thought that was interesting. Can't help but wonder why the rhyme scheme quality was so up and down when you clearly have the skill to write well crafted rhyme schemes. I think it comes across both as novice and authentic at the same time. Your transitions (beginning of lines) are where you excelled here ex: ideas flourished, empowered, the words surged Lines like these catapulted you forward. As for the content, it was vague, so that's why I am focusing on the quality of mechanics presented here. I couldn't pinpoint anything specific concept wise because it was all just kind of blahzi-blah for me. Nothing really registered aside from the few lines I quoted.

Soulstice

Good verse, although it comes across to me as you in your comfort zone. A lot of your verses blend seamlessly from one verse to the next without much distinction. You use the same couple words every verse and they just read to me as one voluminous body of work, instead of Individual pieces that stand out and stand alone. The rhyme schemes were well done. The idea was dark. The overall impression is the Standard. I dont think you write exceptionally well but you write what I would consider the 'Standard' of top tier writing.

Voting Soulstice