AOWL SEASON 3 MAGAZINE — EDITION 11

[Certain]

Season 3, Edition 11

How did we get here?
INTRODUCTION





Hi, friends. Welcome back to the Art of Writing League's Season 3 magazine. We're here with nothing but good things to report. Last week was the best of the season, with numerous high-quality contributions and only one no-show. Next week has an even more promising lineup. Voting has been strong. And the playoffs are starting to come into sight. Hooray, us! This week's magazine largely was written and recorded by me, but there is a fine interview with big baby that you already have skipped ahead to and stopped reading this. Oh well, I had your attention for about 25 seconds. Fuck the haters. I'm not wearing pants right now.



THE INTERVIEW by Certain, with big baby
Everyone's favorite infant steps up to the plate for a memorable discussion on various things.





Hello, big baby. How are you and mustachia at the moment?

i literally just fucking punched her in the fuking face. with my rattle. blood rattle.

So you're not in the Art of Writing League. Who's your favorite writer in it? Who's going to win the title?

you. youre gonna champ your own league. yoire the chosen one certain. u and oats. naked. writing. naked. u, dull boy, oats, naked. threesome. i videotaping. hot. jk mustachia. uhm srsly? prob zygote zombie or oats.

How do you feel about dull boy apparently retiring with an 0-2 record in the league?

he all bark no bite. hes a suicidal
chihuahua. hes a depressed yorkie. dull boy is the equivalent of a mom who saw her step sons dick stepping out the shower and then bangs him idk whatever. dull boy will let yoi down over and over then write about it, then youll be loke wow dope you should join the league and repeat 5x.

You used to do predictions sometimes. Give me just one this week, for the zygote-Zombie match?

i dont like you fucking faggot. i will fucking sbotage this lesgue u underhanding bitch. I will crush you and fuck pancake infront of you while
your tied up. i eill BANG pancake. undsrstand? STOP IT WITH THR UNDERHAND COMMENTS. ZYGOTE SUCKS SO ZOMBIE CAUSE HES MY BROTHER AND I BEAT ZYGOTE ALREADY SO ITS ONLY FAIR ZOMBIE DOES BUT ZYGOTE WILL WIN ANYWy.

What kinds of things would you write about dyedinthewool's breasts?

very small details. jk stop she a lady u fucking jerk wtf wow

Are we friends?

eh. look above. u choose ur destiny. U EITHER fuck with baby or dont, if you fuck with baby your tenure here will suffer, if you dont, youll be rewarded. simple bitch.

What's the best part about being a baby?

i dont have to answer for my actions, racist? HES A BABY! murder? hes a baby. BB DA BB

You are a big baby. How big?

big enuff to fuck ur mom.

Do you think I'm sexy?

(No comment was provided.)

Anything else you'd like to add?

5+5=10 +5=15

k im done jk one more

6+6+12=24

ok over and jk one more

62+7=69



Week 10 Rewind
BATTLE REVIEWS by Certain
This week was better than other weeks. There were a number of great battles and memorable verses. This league makes me happy. Good work. Let's talk about it.





1. Split Eight (2-2) beats Vulgar (4-2) 4-3. | “The slavery of fear makes men afraid to think.”
BATTLE OF THE WEEK! These are two of my very favorite writers on this site, and they both brought it this week, as they tend to most weeks. Here we saw Split Eight play to his foremost strength with a character sketch of a woman. The writing was so densely poetic and so subtle in its contextual details that it took a few reads for me to pull apart everything in it, but it was rewarding. Vulgar took changing his style to heart and wrote a verse that actually felt a bit like a zygote story. That's not a bad though, though. Vulgar's story about a thief who gets tricked was smart and creative. Neither hit the topic particularly directly, but its essence was deeply rooted in both verses. This was a great battle.

Originally Posted by Split Eight

She had delicate shoulders, that were pallid, translucent,
and fell into loose ends, an umbrella of brunette locks-
seldom reclusive or obtrusive at all. A true inner ten.
She meandered through minutia of men, starstruck.
Bruises and red accrued in the grooves of her neck.
Harmless... aloof, when you're tense. Abuse was a stretch.

2. Perpendicular (1-0) beats oats (8-2) 5-4. | “Mankind is governed more by feelings than by reason.”
These are two great writers who came to clash in a 9-10 matchup that didn't suit their abilities. (oats now gets an even stranger feeling 15-16 matchup with Vulgar to boot.) It was difficult to vote on this because these two are so refined but also took totally different approaches to the topic. oats went with a very personal verse about how he got into hip hop, with a self-deprecating tint. Some people said it was funny; they tended to vote for him. Others didn't enjoy the humor aspect as much. Perpendicular took on a more straight-forward approach with his verse, breaking down the illogical nature of human nature. The writing was of a high caliber, but the rhymes stole the show and the battle.

Originally Posted by Perpendicular

They're keeping the peace with checks and balances:
Algorithm's that tell inhabitants
"healthy challenges,"
"credit management,"
"helpful traffic tips,"
"where the madness is,"
"steps to having bliss,"
and "better rationing" -
from an epoxied cross breed of Tech and Pathogens.
With legs that stand unhinged and a screen for an iris,
the man of the future looks as seedy as pirates.
Steam-punk - clean cut between the need and consignments -
who's ship has sailed without being legally licensed.

3. Zombie (3-0) beats Just Write (4-3) 5-2. | “The one thing you can't do when you're highly ranked is relax.”
It's not always obvious through his personality, but Zombie is an incredibly relatable writer. He has a sense of humor but mostly goes through emotional cataloging with a knack for phrasing. Here he discussed something we all can relate to, the expectations of being highly ranked in a topical league. His diary tour de force beat Just Write's more traditional and straight-forward story about a football player who got too egotistical. Just Write's verse felt a little too preachy to me, which definitely weighed in Zombie's favor, but mostly the writing caliber was the difference.

Originally Posted by Zombie

if you don't win, zombie, they'll crucifix you
i'll just throw whatever together & pretend I couldnt get to it
im trying to relax. but i've gotten to a point
people expect stuff in my verses, and the work to be had
if hardwork beats talent, i guess hardworks my dad.
where all my talent seems superficial
my mind creates scenarios where i am caved
sometimes... I don't want to be highly ranked

4. zygote (8-2) beats El Pancake (5-3) 6-0. | “Facts are stubborn things.”
The championship battle proved to be a bit of a disappointment. Our defending champion, El Pancake, clearly had lost some motivation or not budgeted his time to write very well in dropping basically a response piece to zygote. That's because zygote essentially wrote a dis to El Pancake, "President Pennock," in the form of a political rally speech. I wasn't a huge fan of the concept upon realizing what he'd done, but when I finally got around to reading the verse I was enthralled by the execution. It wasn't the best verse of zygote's life, as Frank said. But it was a hell of a fascinating take on the politics of this league. zygote managed to both outwrite and out-conceptualize El Pancake and clearly took the presidency.

Originally Posted by zygote

From the South the contentious Senator Franklin Rosenthal gathers momentum,
We need a strong presence in the executive to handle his brand of aggression.
And from the periphery all new manner of independent Senators emerge,
For how is Democracy truly Democratic if only one can ever serve?
Moreover, Mr. Pennock has recently usurped Quincy Oatsfield - our favorite President,
Utilizing such an unholy design that it can only be described as shameful precedent.
It is time for hope and change, we no longer require irrelevant rhetoric,
Cast aside clever broadsweeping references and generalist messages.

5. Frank (7-3) beats illergicreaxion (0-1) 5-1. | “All men having power ought to be distrusted to a certain degree.”
Here was a really interesting and probably underrated battle because neither took more traditional approaches. Frank went for an off-the-wall, highly sexualized story about a Chinese (is that racist if it actually was Japanese?) king and a fisherman who had sex with the queen. The big knock is that Frank went completely all-in with his rhymes, the same way he did in his upset loss to Nigma in Round 1 of The Winter Topical. illergicreaxion impressed me with his more rugged sensibilities in stringing together a bunch of cool vignettes, but he failed to link them well enough to get the win.

Originally Posted by Frank

A young man named Chen Chung, A prominent figure: a fishermen's son
The mother, the Queen of the Shaolin Empire, he, the offspring of illegitimate cum
The legend has it... Chung's father had stolen her heart, with a fish called a Kisser,
A plump, silvery fish with whiskers, and flesh pink as her clitoris nub
Smitten, she was; as she invited the charming fisherman over for a civilian lunch...
She watched as he skinned the fish and trimmed its guts, and got wet just like his slippery gilly touch.

6. Vividlyvague (6-3) beats Johnathan Mercy (1-2) 6-4. | “The only safe road to honor, glory and dignity is justice.”
How can 12 lines compete with 50-some? Johnathan Mercy wrote one hell of a 12-line verse, that's how. His tightly woven allegory was a bit on the nose and didn't completely develop itself, both the results of its brevity, but it showed a remarkably deft touch. I was worried he had given up on the league, but even after the close loss, he showed up with a full verse this week. Vividlyvague is still very much Vividlyvague, and he wrote a super-long verse despite knowing his opponent had dropped 12 lines. Unfortunately, much of that verse was unfocused. But it still had a really cool plot and some good rhyming. With some refinement and reprioritizing, it could have been a standout.

Originally Posted by Johnathan Mercy

Glory was a failed mobster and name dropper
Honor a ghoul; a goon and a grave robber
Dignity a depraved father
- keeping well-behaved daughters in slave collars
Roughnecks that would bust lips
- And hawk snuff flicks to make dollars

7. timeless (6-4) beats Adonis (4-6) 6-5. | “I never expect to see a perfect work from an imperfect man.”
Both of these gentlemen have done better in the past, but this battle still was interesting. timeless came with some government conspiracy weird half-story that involved President Obama wielding a gun or something. The story aspect was difficult to follow, but he brought a nice conclusion to it and had some fine rhyming and writing in general. Adonis used a gimmick in mentioning the names of numerous league members, but unlike zygote he did it without incorporating it into the fabric of his verse. That verse was about how Adonis writes perfect verses, through the lens of braggadocio in the form of subtle rhymed poetry. It was a strange experience. Adonis then got really mad at me for casting the final vote.

Originally Posted by timeless

[I'd drown but the water's not deep enough to hold my modernist fee.
I'd solemnly speak...but there's no time left...
...as I'm watching my tolerance flee.
Pomegranate colored thoughts with an apple's point of view.
You're free, but still trying to get out of the lasso that hoisted you
out of civilization, into a head on collision with deprivation.

8. Certain (2-2) wins via Smegma (0-2) forfeit. | “Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.”
So Smegma had a perfectly fine verse up, went down 3-0 in votes and decided it was better to forfeit than to see if he could make a comeback, as so many do in this league. Certain wrote about old people again. That's three weeks in a row. What a fucking weirdo.


9. MMLP (0-4) wins via dyedinthewool (1-4) no-show. | “We look forward to the time when the power to love will replace the love of power.”
My favorite topic of the week was put to good use despite dyedinthewool's no-show. MMLP wrote his best verse of the season, coming up with a great rhyme scheme and an emotion story structure that showcased his abilities as a writer. He didn't get credit for the win because he didn't vote, but he easily could be a dark-horse playoff contender if he can maintain this level through the final weeks of the season.

Originally Posted by MMLP

a prospective actor, who vied for free parts
with a succession of chapters and a childhood sweetheart
He aspired to reach stardom with each display
he lifted the place, his performance exquisitely played.
Emerging flawless, surging forward with critics' acclaim
and a certain belief, the spotlight perfectly gleamed
illuminating the world at his feet, but he can't defer what's beneath,

Week 11 Preview
LISTEN UP/
POWER RANKINGS by Certain
Audio power rankings that you won't be able to avert your eyes from?






PREDICTIONS by Certain
I don't even know how to describe the topics this week. They kind of just came to me. I tried to fit them to the stakes of each battle, and I think I managed that because multiple people have said it worked. I'm very excited. We're coming off our best week, but the schedule makes this week potentially even better.





Championship: 1. zygote (8-2) vs. 2. Zombie (3-0) | No one has ever before seen anything like it.
BATTLE OF THE WEEK CANDIDATE! zygote is the champion we deserve. He's probably the most flexible writer on the site, doing pitch-perfect stylistic imitations and adapting his writer's voice for all sorts of content. But Zombie is the contender we deserve. He's a fiery, emotive writer whose strengths (unique phrasing, aggressive rhyming, dissonance) and weaknesses (topical creativity, cohesion, polish) are the opposite of zygote's. That makes this battle fascinating and difficult to predict. zygote already wrote something, and Zombie very well could write something in response to that the same way El Pancake did. I'm not sure if that strategy would be a mistake or not. Let's go for a fourth champion in four weeks. Prediction: Zombie 52-48.


Contender match: 3. timeless (6-4) vs. 4. Split Eight (2-2) | This can't be how it's supposed to end.
The weird thing about this matchup is that timeless is starting to gain some serious momentum. He doesn't have his writing style as refined and defined as Split Eight or other elite-tier writers do, but he has shown a knack for creativity and rhyming. The former is going to be especially important against Split Eight, especially because this topic should serve him well in his writings about relationships and snow. Will timeless do something creative enough to overcome being outwritten by the steadily improving Split Eight? Prediction: Split Eight 56-44.


5. Perpendicular (1-0) vs. 6. Frank (7-3) | This is your chance to prove yourself.
BATTLE OF THE WEEK CANDIDATE! This battle is tough with these styles of topics. Perpendicular and Frank already have proven themselves, though. Frank's been doing his lyrical storytelling for years, and Perpendicular dropped a bear of a verse to send oats to a second loss in a row. Perpendicular clearly has the edge in polish, with very clean and aggressive rhymes guiding his verse last week. But can he handle Frank's creativity and flourish? That much is not clear as we only have one verse to judge the alias on. My gut (and knowledge of the alias) says that he has the capacity to tell a great story. But this topic fits Frank's style, and Frank storytells better than just about anyone. Prediction: Frank 51-49.


7. Vividlyvague (6-3) vs. 8. Certain (2-2) | It'll make a man out of you.
Certain's been writing about old people every week. How is he going to write about this topic? There's no way he'll be able to hang with Vividlyvague, our own Frank Jr., whose emotive and raw storytelling talents should shine with this topic. But Certain did beat that ass last season, so we can't say it's 100%. Prediction: Vividlyvague 99-1.


9. Just Write (4-3) vs. 10. King Ra. (4-5) | We can do this if we work together.
Here are two competitors capable in any given week of beating anyone but also struggling to reach the point to where that's a given. I can't think of a more equal matchup, to be honest. Just Write is a better pure storyteller, but King Ra. is a more interesting writer with bigger concepts. Both of these guys are capable of carrying longer verses but sometimes lose their oomph for it. If I were breaking (when I break) playoff contenders into tiers, these two will be right in the same tier. And yes, they both will make the playoffs (unless the loser of this one up and disappears). But I think the topic sides a little toward smaller-picture storytelling. Prediction: Just Write 52-48.


11. Mike Wrecka (4-5) vs. 12. YDK (3-3) | How will we ever make it stop?
Another very evenly matched battle comes via two guys who, six months ago, I never would have called evenly matched. But Mike Wrecka's had a rough season, only occasionally showing the ability that makes him so dangerous. He's like a deadball-era pitcher, expected to throw 400 innings a year and therefore unable to bring the heat every week. YDK's effort seems less strategic and more tethered to what he's feeling in the moment. But these two both know what they're doing. Their strengths are their flows, with YDK very much catching up in this area. And both sometimes have mediocre word choice that bogs down their better efforts. YDK's had some time off and may be looking to drop some fire. Prediction: YDK 54-46.


13. Adonis (4-6) vs. 14. Cereal_Killa (1-1) | It's the only thing that's important anymore.
I have to imagine there's a good chance these two have met at some point, though I don't know the circumstance. Cereal_Killa is a writer of great gumption, whose florid phrasing can sometimes be difficult to decipher. Adonis takes the smaller route, often writing short verses with very tight phrasing that also can be difficult to decipher. Content will be the key here, along with how easily the audience can grasp it. Cereal_Killa may need a week to shake off some rust. Prediction: Adonis 53-47.


15. Vulgar (4-2) vs. 16. oats (8-2) | The whole world is depending on you.
BATTLE OF THE WEEK CANDIDATE! The rankings obviously don't mean anything here. These are two of our very finest writers, and they should be able to put on the battle fo the week if they both come out to win. oats says he loves tough matchups, but you have to wonder what he'd feel about a third consecutive loss. Vulgar, meanwhile, took some time off and as a result may be at risk for, if not missing the playoffs, at least running up against a a lower seed than he'd prefer. So the stakes are high here despite or even because of the low rankings. I really like this topic for these two, and I predict a reversal of their Winter Topical match. Prediction: oats 51-49.


17. Johnathan Mercy (1-2) vs. 18. MMLP (0-4) | Nothing really matters anymore.
I really liked what MMLP wrote last week, but his best chance at a win this week is to vote double to make up for not voting last week. Johnathan Mercy already has dropped a full verse, and over his three weeks in this league, despite that ugly record, he has proven a threat more than capable of winning the championship. Much like sacrifice, his dense style has not fully taken to some voters. MMLP's best chance at a win would be to do what Vividlyvague did last week and go large and emotionally driven, but to put the story together a little cleaner in the process. I'm not sure he has that in his bag of tricks yet. Prediction: 69-31.


19. dead man (0-2) vs. 20. Soulstice (0-2) | You need to figure out who you really are.
BATTLE OF THE WEEK CANDIDATE! But wait, Vulgar vs. oats was supposed to be the low-ranked, high-quality matchup? Well, dead man and Soulstice each have two no-shows to their credits. The pressure is on. Both of these guys are good enough to win this league. Both of these guys would be suspended with another no-show. Both of these guys would struggle to make the playoffs with a loss of any kind. My guess is dead man puts a little more in here and writes a verse on identity crises. But Soulstice could come with a fully formed narrative about the dystopian future. This is a rematch of the Season 1 final, and I don't think the outcome will change. Prediction: dead man 55-45.



Where are we going?
THE INTERVIEW (II) Certain with Vulgar
What, you thought we were done? We bring to you a candid interview with one of our finest wordsmiths.





Hi, Vulgar. Welcome to the Art of Writing League's Season 3 weekly magazine. How are you doing today?

Greetings. I am fine.

What'd you think about your battle with Split Eight last week?

I haven't read his verse yet, tbh.

How often are you frustrated with voters, particularly voters who don't get what you were going for in a verse?

If it's my fault, it's my fault. If they can't recognize the majesty of my creations, then it's their loss, not mine!!!! Just kidding. I don't take it that seriously and I cope with my losses.

You beat Split Eight in The Winter Topical. You also beat oats in it. Any thoughts on winding up with consecutive rematches?

No thoughts, only actions.

Who's the best writer on Netcees.co?

Good question. Right now, either Zombie or Jonathan Mercy, in terms of their overall capabilities and what I see in their writing.

What was the last deity you prayed to?

I prayed to whatever anonymous creator there is out there the other day. I prayed for someone I know who is sick.

How many slices of cheese should go on a proper turkey sandwich?

None. I'm Jewish and that's not kosher!!!111 Nah but I don't like cheese on my sandwiches, as weird as that sounds.

Who's your favorite Atlanta rapper?

Ehhh...

How is school going?

My speech teacher is crazy. This lady was cool at first, then somewhere along the line a switch was hit and she turned into a "no, you can't turn that in/I didn't ask for that to be like that" psycho-squirrel. The whole class hated her by the time we finished the class and what should've been an easy, assured A turned into a question mark. Consider her inspiration for any of my psychologically compromised characters in my stories. Otherwise, school's good. I start my summer semester next week..

Anything else you'd like to add?

Listen to AZ's first album Doe or Die. It's good.



CONCLUSION by Certain


Thanks to big baby and all of you for making this league fun to run and compete with. Have a good one.

[Zombie]

A few errors. (Italicized mistake in the big baby interview, and you spelled deserve wrong in our battle predictions) I havent read everything in it's entirety yet

Other than that, intense, exceptional. Thanks.

[YDK]

dope shit appreciated as always

[oats]

Good shit, will listen to the jams/rankings when I get home. Apologies for not contributing - I have a little op Ed piece to contribute if you still want it, just passed out last night.

[Certain]

An interview with Vulgar has been added.

@oats, will it work next week?

[oats]

Yup for sure.

[Adonis]

Not mad bro. Never. But if I can pass
Piss someone off or get on someone's nerves at least once a day I consider life a success

[Certain]

@Vulgar, have you ever heard of the group I used as the song with your interview?

[Soulstice]

y guess is dead man puts a little more in here and writes a verse on identity crises. But Soulstice could come with a fully formed narrative about the dystopian future

this is so valid its disturbing. is it time to introduce a new style?!

[Eŋg]

dope shit. makes me want to sign in.

[i won't]

[Frank]

Deadman loves Certains voice

Confirm or deny

Dope read.

Appreciate this shit WORD UP

1

[Frank]

Originally Posted by Eŋg

dope shit. makes me want to sign in.

[i won't]

Esmeralda ?

[Frank]

Originally Posted by Adonis

Not mad bro. Never. But if I can pass
Piss someone off or get on someone's nerves at least once a day I consider life a success

Make it known in this thread why you keep hate votin niggas

[oats]

can I say for the next power rankings, no voice, but a live video of you with text falling down the screen a la Star Wars intro. think about it

[Frank]

Nah, Audio was ill but word. animate your face like Mike Wrecka with the Cherokee indian face

[Frank]

Are we not entertained?

[Frank]

Trifecta

Thanks again

[Certain]

Originally Posted by oats

can I say for the next power rankings, no voice, but a live video of you with text falling down the screen a la Star Wars intro. think about it

Why would you choose anything over looking at pictures of Miranda Kerr?

[oats]

just promise me you'll think about it. visualize it.

[Certain]

It'd be a lot more effort, to be honest.