I rhyme write tight

[Split]

Mom is a ghost. No one close to the mom that I'd known, but know that happens, and know it's crappy I won't ever have her a home to have as her own. She lives unhappily, goes... up to her room as soon as she's back from her drone... job, people half of her own age have. She's alone. Watches TV and laughs at the shows. Just a way she can zone out cold and not have to be old. Contemplates death. Imagine your mom who hates breath. Your dad in graves, dead. No family left. It's just you. It's not game, there's no rules. No one to say what it can't or can't do. Life just gets cruel.

-This was very strong. Something about the wording and diction conveyed honesty and stress. "Your dad in graves, dead." That is such an atypical sentence, for literature and poetry.. it sounds like something that an author would write, in order to demonstrate a speaker's dialect. I think that is something that is very, very ignored on these forums- the way that we present our writing is a reflection of the way that we perceive ourselves... and this is something completely congruent to rap. Imo, no other forms of written or spoken expression capture the identity of the author in such a personal manner, except maybe spoken word.


Pretend it doesn't matter, get all confident, cute. Pretend it's all just nonsense, it's cool. It's not. And at night when you watch the time on the clock and the lights are all off you see your life and you stop lying to block what's inside and what's not, what's hiding in God.

-"God" is an idea that always baits me. I'm not religious, and I dont think many people here are. Invoking the idea of god brings about motifs of solemnity, truth, and self-discovery/ self-awareness, whether or not those ideas are pursued. In the context of this verse, I think it is a metaphor for sorting things out when you are completely alone with yourself. Kinda divine.


Then one day they're just gone, and you wish you could do all of it again.

>Very powerful.. I don't know if you were going for it, but I got the sense that the "remorse" you referred earlier to is shaded by both you and your parents losing the happiness that childhood gives you... and also refers to losing your parents, literally....


Enjoyed. Keep keyin.