Week 7: Mike Wrecka (2-4) vs. Adonis (3-3) \\ Mike Wrecka wins 4-3

zygote · 04-12-2014, 10:18 PM

Good stuff, description of gluttony and opulence was emphasized by the constant references to exotic and uncommon foods. Depiction of a globe trotting 1%er with a voracious appetite to consume - also functions as a satirical caricature of the corporate-monopoly complex. The ending could point out how 'infinite growth' is delusional. Or it could also just be a straight story about an actual character. The words 'schizo' and 'uncured' are a bit off-putting. Both were thematically similar, the other substituted pop-culture for food, and made the tone more personal. The capitalization is a just a minor gripe, of course there is always that fear readers will miss it, but I think that it would have been a more enjoyable reading if it was more like a challenge, perhaps starting with an autobiographical disclosure after your first two lines something with much better actual words and to the same extent as "I love movies so there are 20 titles in this writing." Overall, you did an excellent effort here, capturing that mind-state of this character a pop-culture dependent insomniac. V MW.

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04-12-2014, 10:18 PM	#7
zygote Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 501 Battle Record: 33-12 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Art of Writing League (3x) Rep Power: 737828	Good stuff, description of gluttony and opulence was emphasized by the constant references to exotic and uncommon foods. Depiction of a globe trotting 1%er with a voracious appetite to consume - also functions as a satirical caricature of the corporate-monopoly complex. The ending could point out how 'infinite growth' is delusional. Or it could also just be a straight story about an actual character. The words 'schizo' and 'uncured' are a bit off-putting. Both were thematically similar, the other substituted pop-culture for food, and made the tone more personal. The capitalization is a just a minor gripe, of course there is always that fear readers will miss it, but I think that it would have been a more enjoyable reading if it was more like a challenge, perhaps starting with an autobiographical disclosure after your first two lines something with much better actual words and to the same extent as "I love movies so there are 20 titles in this writing." Overall, you did an excellent effort here, capturing that mind-state of this character a pop-culture dependent insomniac. V MW.