SOCIO-ECONOMIC RAMIFICATION: CHAMPAGNE IN A PAPER CUP

zygote · 04-06-2014, 05:40 AM

That’s a great effort, but for that kind of topic you could have written about a futuristic dystopia where the government is run by a company called “Quoqua Quola” and the most common drink (even more than water) is like a mixture of alcohol and pain-killers something called “Sham-pain.” The government uses beams to give the people constant headaches so they need to repeatedly buy the drink. With the title, CORPORATE DYSTOPIA: ADDICTIVE BEVERAGE AUTHORITARIANISM. In all seriousness, this was good, there is perhaps a slight issue with the title, the word ‘RAMIFICATION’ doesn’t sit well, it feels like an unfinished sentence clause (maybe ‘RAMIFICATIONS’). Besides that, very effective critique of corporate cost efficiency and an organizational culture of downsizing, the little part about the main characters thoughts on explaining everything was an excellent way to show the human cost to those economic measures.

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04-06-2014, 05:40 AM	#12
zygote Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 501 Battle Record: 33-12 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Art of Writing League (3x) Rep Power: 737828	That’s a great effort, but for that kind of topic you could have written about a futuristic dystopia where the government is run by a company called “Quoqua Quola” and the most common drink (even more than water) is like a mixture of alcohol and pain-killers something called “Sham-pain.” The government uses beams to give the people constant headaches so they need to repeatedly buy the drink. With the title, CORPORATE DYSTOPIA: ADDICTIVE BEVERAGE AUTHORITARIANISM. In all seriousness, this was good, there is perhaps a slight issue with the title, the word ‘RAMIFICATION’ doesn’t sit well, it feels like an unfinished sentence clause (maybe ‘RAMIFICATIONS’). Besides that, very effective critique of corporate cost efficiency and an organizational culture of downsizing, the little part about the main characters thoughts on explaining everything was an excellent way to show the human cost to those economic measures.