AOWL Week 5 CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Frank (4-0) VS. zygote (3-0) (FRANK WINS 10-4)

Soulstice · 03-18-2013, 11:34 PM

zygote - cool imagery, that was definitely your strong point here. your rhymes were strong, but your flow was pretty stretched and you could definitely benefit from internal rhymes or some smaller words. 'individual' is a long word but carries the same as significance as 'one' would (in context of course) the story/concept wasnt particularly original nor did you really develop upon behind a futuristic prediction that has been done both within the realms of topicals and the realms of tomorrowland 1901, etc.

frnk- cool piece. free willy references interspersed throughout gave it a light edge while putting a dark twist on it. definitely a refreshing weed with solid flow and a lot of deceit within the piece to keep me interested. not a lot to critique on. it just seems the trend on this site (ive read four pieces) is to pepper the piece with internals regardless to the actual pace of the flow being consistent or the power of the wording. however, yours has been the least-prolific offender so far (flow and wording being above rhyme-magnitude in my book) so theres that.

v - frank

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03-18-2013, 11:34 PM	#14
Soulstice native system Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 387 Battle Record: 18-21 Champed - Short-Verse Topical Rep Power: 4453411	zygote - cool imagery, that was definitely your strong point here. your rhymes were strong, but your flow was pretty stretched and you could definitely benefit from internal rhymes or some smaller words. 'individual' is a long word but carries the same as significance as 'one' would (in context of course) the story/concept wasnt particularly original nor did you really develop upon behind a futuristic prediction that has been done both within the realms of topicals and the realms of tomorrowland 1901, etc. frnk- cool piece. free willy references interspersed throughout gave it a light edge while putting a dark twist on it. definitely a refreshing weed with solid flow and a lot of deceit within the piece to keep me interested. not a lot to critique on. it just seems the trend on this site (ive read four pieces) is to pepper the piece with internals regardless to the actual pace of the flow being consistent or the power of the wording. however, yours has been the least-prolific offender so far (flow and wording being above rhyme-magnitude in my book) so theres that. v - frank