Week 5 contender match: zygote (3-1) vs. YDK (3-1) \\ zygote wins 9-0

[oats]

zyg: of course, the machine is the hero in your verse. but I liked it a lot, conceptually it was a great reflection of the topic, and although the writing came off a little clunky and (ahem) robotic, it was clear and engaging nonetheless. I love the "I'm sorry Dave" line, forget what movie that's from but I totally remember that line. Space Odyssey maybe? In any case, very cool, I liked it a lot.

YDK: there were a lot of good things about this verse. I think the rhyming was tightly wound, and lots of the descriptions helped create the musky, piss-and-blood-stained atmosphere of the coliseum. I'm sure people above me have echoed the same sentiment, that you have been improving leaps and bounds, and this was another notch in that direction. What I think could have made this better was a more narrow view of things. Like, if you had focused on a single battle instead of an exposé of his life as a slave until he died. That way you can use details to supply the background info, and keep us in the present moment to A) humanize the character more and explore his psychology and B)go nuts with descriptions via his observations and feelings. It would make it more well-rounded, whereas this felt a little flat because it read almost like a fact sheet of events.

Vote: Zyg. YDK had a tighter grip on his rhymes no doubt, but Zyg killed it with his concept and approach. Very good match on both parts.