Week 4 contender match: Just Write (3-0) vs. oats (3-0) \\ oats wins 7-1

Vulgar · 03-23-2014, 01:05 PM

oats - This was sick. Class warfare in the United States was summarized here in an organized fashion, the rhyme schemes all stellar. I can't imagine but thinking if this were a Zygote verse, there would be tons of references toward other forms of government and the alternative directions the story would go (i.e. serfdom, feudalism, communism) but yeah, I don't have any complaints about this verse. It was hard hitting and painted to a tee.

Just Write - Dope take on the topic. The 'pictures/art becoming a reality' concept isn't the most new idea on the block but you made it your own. The wording and technical aspect of your writing was okay. What shined here was your ability to craft an interesting situation for the narrator to try and solve or get himself out of. At the end, it continues to backfire to the fullest as he seals his sister's fate, or at least he illustrates it without being in control at all. I thought it was good.

My vote goes to oats.

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03-23-2014, 01:05 PM	#1
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	oats - This was sick. Class warfare in the United States was summarized here in an organized fashion, the rhyme schemes all stellar. I can't imagine but thinking if this were a Zygote verse, there would be tons of references toward other forms of government and the alternative directions the story would go (i.e. serfdom, feudalism, communism) but yeah, I don't have any complaints about this verse. It was hard hitting and painted to a tee. Just Write - Dope take on the topic. The 'pictures/art becoming a reality' concept isn't the most new idea on the block but you made it your own. The wording and technical aspect of your writing was okay. What shined here was your ability to craft an interesting situation for the narrator to try and solve or get himself out of. At the end, it continues to backfire to the fullest as he seals his sister's fate, or at least he illustrates it without being in control at all. I thought it was good. My vote goes to oats.