Week 4: Vividlyvague (3-0) vs. Pinot Grij (2-0) \\ Vividlyvague wins 6-1

timeless · 03-23-2014, 11:33 AM

Vivid, lol alright I thought it was dope with the conversation between grandpa and grandson. I just wish you tackled the subject matter more instead of going wayyyy off track in the story. You were realistic through the first half, thought it was gonna be a dope story with the typical vet, crazy storytelling grandpa, everything he was saying in his story was real. Then all the sudden, after finding hitler, hitler sent the undead to kill him and his boys, then all the sudden hitlers daughter has superpowers that make heads explode, then he does too. Lol that shit was just too random for me, didn’t sit well. The ending seemed abrupt after all of that. “gotta love gramps” was cool I guess, portraying that crazy ol grandpa will never change, no matter how real/down to earth he pretends to be. But still, I just wish you would’ve evolved the story differently. Your technicals were all on point, nothing to say about that aspect of this writing.

Pinot, Same thing I felt was out of place with vivids verse this week was that I wish it went in a different direction. The beginning parts were strong and I thought they would’ve advanced more, but you did a complete 180 with the ending stanza. Almost seems like you got bored with the first half or didn’t know where to take it so you banged out that last part real quick. This shit was comical. I did enjoy it for sure though, there were quite a few lines I could quote. The ending was dope as well lol.

Both routes you two took for the topic were off for me, couldn’t get down with it. I was originally going to vote for pinot for having a more enjoyable read, but I don’t think V should take a loss here. His piece was more polished, better rhyme schemes, more complete, etc.

V. VividlyVague

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03-23-2014, 11:33 AM	#6
timeless past tense Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: NJ Posts: 1,623 Battle Record: 22-39 Rep Power: 4341329	Vivid, lol alright I thought it was dope with the conversation between grandpa and grandson. I just wish you tackled the subject matter more instead of going wayyyy off track in the story. You were realistic through the first half, thought it was gonna be a dope story with the typical vet, crazy storytelling grandpa, everything he was saying in his story was real. Then all the sudden, after finding hitler, hitler sent the undead to kill him and his boys, then all the sudden hitlers daughter has superpowers that make heads explode, then he does too. Lol that shit was just too random for me, didn’t sit well. The ending seemed abrupt after all of that. “gotta love gramps” was cool I guess, portraying that crazy ol grandpa will never change, no matter how real/down to earth he pretends to be. But still, I just wish you would’ve evolved the story differently. Your technicals were all on point, nothing to say about that aspect of this writing. Pinot, Same thing I felt was out of place with vivids verse this week was that I wish it went in a different direction. The beginning parts were strong and I thought they would’ve advanced more, but you did a complete 180 with the ending stanza. Almost seems like you got bored with the first half or didn’t know where to take it so you banged out that last part real quick. This shit was comical. I did enjoy it for sure though, there were quite a few lines I could quote. The ending was dope as well lol. Both routes you two took for the topic were off for me, couldn’t get down with it. I was originally going to vote for pinot for having a more enjoyable read, but I don’t think V should take a loss here. His piece was more polished, better rhyme schemes, more complete, etc. V. VividlyVague