Week 4 contender match: Just Write (3-0) vs. oats (3-0) \\ oats wins 7-1

zygote · 03-22-2014, 06:53 AM

Firstly, I love that title, it is reminiscent of that classic satire Dr. Strangelove. The title was a great foreshadowing for the upcoming style of the humor. It wasn't exactly a satire it was more like a caricature with a little bit of political commentary at the end. There were some quirky things (E.g., the 'Upper Brother' phrase, and the Citizens United part). The 'higher taxes' section was a good attack on conservatism and anti-welfare economics. It was a good device to not give the main sympathetic character a voice piece. It created like a feeling of hopelessness and pity, and you did this deliberately too (E.g., "she never was mentioned - an awful shame, she never got a name or any attention" - never got a name in the story either, which was a nice touch.) Overall this was extremely refined in its underlying content, those themes really stood out because of the big contrast with the '4 kidz' slapstick nature of the language. Just Write also made use of a unique language. Firstly, good effort for commitment to the difficult narrative voice, writing from a different point of view can backfire, but here it was good, I feel like you toned down your normal vocabulary to match this character. Choosing a name such as 'Bobby' instantly gave the character a kind of naive quality, reinforced by the use of simplified language. As for the story itself, the progression is good but a little uninspired. Ending with a death can either be powerful or cliched, not exactly sure how to feel about it, which probably means that it was good and I could have misread somewhere. Voting for Oats.

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03-22-2014, 06:53 AM	#4
zygote Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 501 Battle Record: 33-12 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Art of Writing League (3x) Rep Power: 737828	Firstly, I love that title, it is reminiscent of that classic satire Dr. Strangelove. The title was a great foreshadowing for the upcoming style of the humor. It wasn't exactly a satire it was more like a caricature with a little bit of political commentary at the end. There were some quirky things (E.g., the 'Upper Brother' phrase, and the Citizens United part). The 'higher taxes' section was a good attack on conservatism and anti-welfare economics. It was a good device to not give the main sympathetic character a voice piece. It created like a feeling of hopelessness and pity, and you did this deliberately too (E.g., "she never was mentioned - an awful shame, she never got a name or any attention" - never got a name in the story either, which was a nice touch.) Overall this was extremely refined in its underlying content, those themes really stood out because of the big contrast with the '4 kidz' slapstick nature of the language. Just Write also made use of a unique language. Firstly, good effort for commitment to the difficult narrative voice, writing from a different point of view can backfire, but here it was good, I feel like you toned down your normal vocabulary to match this character. Choosing a name such as 'Bobby' instantly gave the character a kind of naive quality, reinforced by the use of simplified language. As for the story itself, the progression is good but a little uninspired. Ending with a death can either be powerful or cliched, not exactly sure how to feel about it, which probably means that it was good and I could have misread somewhere. Voting for Oats.