Week 3: Just Write (2-0) vs. patrown (2-0) \\ Just Write wins 9-1

[sacrifice]

Just Write: Well, I'll start by saying, this was a lot longer than it had to be. It's a product of spending too much time setting up a scenario, only to have the scenario end, and a whole verse used to describe what are essentially transitions leading toward a predictable twist in the end. But there were many places where the piece made me smile... a lot of humor built in which made it a pretty fun read. No emphasis here on rhyming beyond the minimum required to make the story easy to follow. I haven't read much else from you, but there is a shallowness to your diction/word-choices that might make it difficult for you against more poetic/complex writers/rhymers. That being said, I still enjoyed your approach... I liked the scenario-driven approach, despite my criticisms above, because they each had their own charm. Ha. Good showing, fairly well developed and an OK written piece. Could use a lot of polish.

patrown: I have to say, I wasn't really feeling this one at all. You seemed to just find a convenient rhyme, then let that dictate where the piece went. Though, it is a comic-tragedy nonetheless; the lamentations of a fat man in various weird situations -- it rather felt like everything he sees is transformed into something to consume. The piece came across as very rushed in places; lots of poor grammar and spelling riddled throughout made it seem less and less like a legitimate story and more and more like a canvas for your to just blurb out random stuff, using the love-travails of a food addicted fat man as your thematic vessel. I can't say I enjoyed it very much; grotesque in some cases, random in others.

vote: Just Write - Overall, a much better approach to the topic, better executed, coherent, a twist at the end.