Week 2: Pinot Grij (0-0) vs. fresh (0-0) \\ Pinot Grij wins 6-0

Vulgar · 03-08-2014, 08:58 PM

fresh - You can be really good. I've already skimmed some feedback people have given you for this battle and I agree to some degree. The overall progression of this piece felt very constipated, like you were forcing out content that wasn't bringing harmony to the reader's palate. It was too jam-packed - with a theme like this you need to be more patient and let the writing come to you. Keep your five senses on the edge to receive the best possible instances you can describe to the reader in detail.

Pinot Grij - Solid verse. I'm not too keen personally on storytelling verses like this because there is so little personality to reap from it since it's a traditional narrative. I'm more about the vibrant concepts inside of that narrative... you chose to keep it general, which was strategic. I'd have to critique this as unfulfilling, but still effective. The rhyme scheme was very on point throughout, being the highlight.

My vote goes to Pinot Grij.

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03-08-2014, 08:58 PM	#1
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	fresh - You can be really good. I've already skimmed some feedback people have given you for this battle and I agree to some degree. The overall progression of this piece felt very constipated, like you were forcing out content that wasn't bringing harmony to the reader's palate. It was too jam-packed - with a theme like this you need to be more patient and let the writing come to you. Keep your five senses on the edge to receive the best possible instances you can describe to the reader in detail. Pinot Grij - Solid verse. I'm not too keen personally on storytelling verses like this because there is so little personality to reap from it since it's a traditional narrative. I'm more about the vibrant concepts inside of that narrative... you chose to keep it general, which was strategic. I'd have to critique this as unfulfilling, but still effective. The rhyme scheme was very on point throughout, being the highlight. My vote goes to Pinot Grij.