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Old 03-01-2014, 08:04 AM   #1
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~


primordial depth where lava lamps are nature derived
molten magma. subterranean, the crater's alive
swordfish dual at 7 sharp. that's 20 paces a side
win or lose, the centrifuge replies. creating a tide
waterworld. water colors washing watery portraits
water molecules, water wings and water resorts
there were giants, mighty giants. mythological forces
built the water temple navi explored. but not anymore
it waned the day my father died. lord of the sea
sultan of stream, warship emperor, controlling regimes
urchins and cuttlefish. green leaflets, algae and moss
pre-prototypical. drafting Machiavellian laws
iron fist, coral amethyst. a palace of gold
my dad. the Elemental One who swam in the cove
spanning globally, a balance, oceanic repose
air in the bubble, fire in the belly, land in a row
shallow and cold. waves overlapping. peak to plateau
watched him decompose like glaciers into sparkling snow
a giant, mighty giant. only one of his kind
i was a blip, but a set of scales, floating awry
it was time. a prophesy filled. duty, honor and will
a kingdom fallen. merging with his counterpartners to build
dark and still. pitch as night. seems their job was complete
and to think, they did it all within the span of a week -
pharaoh Aqua. Akhbar waterway, my lineage pure
a set of sacrifices leading to your sense of assurance
developmental evolution. live bacterial worms
intermediate earth - tree trunks, amoeba and germs
4 twin brothers who always worked in conjunction
heat, soil and oxygen in surface eruptions
it was complete. they could unify. transcend the beyond
giving way to existential theory centuries on
i remember his expression as he looked at us all
for the very first time. and he sang us a song
his dialect was wavelength and molecular bond
harmonizing hurricanes to make his kingdom dissolve
it was freedom and loss. tragedy. the birth of a star
before he turned to stone, my father took a seed in his palm
raised it past the breaking point from under the sea
so his brothers could see. Life where there was nothing, believe
below a hundred degrees, synergistic alignment
King Triton's monument island, before existence was science
they were giants, mighty giants. the creators, the myth
architects and artists. palm trees, temperature shifts
for all their kids. we swim along and savor today
waiting patiently until it's washed away ..





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Old 03-01-2014, 08:53 PM   #2
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Lars, your display of detail towards the evolution idea of life itself transitioning to the human era from beginning to end was dope. I enjoyed this piece a lot. Don’t really have any complaints with it, I would mention a couple rhyme schemes but it’s not really significant. No filler to point out, everything seemed relevant. This was dope man, not much else to say.

Dead, your wordplay is one of the best I’ve ever seen, I’m sure that has been said to you many of times so I’ll spare it. As for your approach to the topic, it was really complex. As close as an interpretation I would have of this would be That the mythical gods of the sea created this island as a type of church for themselves. A type of beta test before Earth was constructed by it’s creators. I must’ve read this 4 times over, trying to put more pieces together. lol

For me personally, I have to vote on who had the more enjoyable read in my eyes. Content wise, they were equal. Wordplay, flow, approach to the topic, etc. All equal imo. I just feel more satisfied after reading Lars verse, it told a complete, intricate tale of the building blocks of life, and didn’t really leave me hanging or any questions to be answered. Black had a more intricate verse than lars, which could go either way in the voter’s perception, depending on what you initially get out of it after a complete read. Dope battle here though with two great verses to send it off.

V.Lars
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