Why can I sleep no more?

[oats]

one thing I like about your writing is that there are many avenues of interpretation, and most are equally justified. That's the mark of a great writer, because it allows us as readers to create alongside you; you create a verse, we create its meaning. that's a special talent.

the drawback is that it takes greater effort to penetrate, and sometimes it can be dizzying to make sense of things, to reconcile the different, distinct images and feels I get from one section to the next. In this verse, for example, from the beginning up until the Maggie Simpson line, I was envisioning someone in a hospital/hospice/maybe even psych ward, but then the next couple lines started talking about "bad for business" and "see me at hospitals," which subverted those initial connections I made. That's not necessarily a bad thing, or something that's a fault of yours, but it is something worth pointing out; sometimes individual pieces can seem incongruous.

also, the dirtbaggery of the character started popping up a little late in the verse - even on re-reads I wasn't catching anything to suggest more than a drug problem, though at the end you get the sexual perversions of jerking off to Maggie simpson and leaving the clinic for a night with a prostitute. I think some early, subtle hints would have paid dividends.

the last line was the ultimate broker for all these ideas, though, and the emotional undertow of it, because who can't relate to that in one way or another? that's probably why you're a fan favorite most sites, because you have intelligent rhymes that are broken down into shared commonalities between pretty much everyone. this is another masterful display, but not without its areas of improvement (at least in my opinion). Favorite lines were the give a mouse an infection, keep to yourself/people that melt, and pretty much the whole last 12 lines were all gems.