ROUND TWO: (7)Lars vs. (10)Certain - (LARS WINS 7-1)

Lars · 01-20-2014, 11:36 AM

Sure thing, go ahead and match your age, old timer. :)

"Origin of Language"

Let’s start with the day our protagonists met:
For arguments sake, we’ll call ‘em ‘Alpha’ and ‘Bet’.
Two Neanderthal men at the evolutionary cusp
form a hunter-gatherer friendship in pursuit of the hunt.
Food is a must, so in tandem they work
with a mutual trust in an absence of words.
Hands are their first tool, signals made with the fingers,
so an understanding’s asserted to be relayed at a distance.
With a waving of digits and signed interaction
a basic depiction of what’s required is established.
It’s vital for catching prey – their ordinate nature
a survivalist tactic to warn them of danger.
Their calls and behaviour grow ever-expressive
and forge their relationships strength in dependence.
It lends to expression, though their conveyance is blunt,
a succession of gestured sounds made with their tongues.
Replacing the grunts and guttural roars
they are accustomed to trusting before.
Adjusting accordingly, they share with their group
the functioning orders of various tools.
The pair of them use this form for announcing
the areas new food sources are found in.
As more is recounted and usage increases
it also has grounding in grooming and teaching.
Due to this reason adaptation excels
in the communicative region they’re creating themselves.
These basic, but central, components combining
as each stage is essential for homogenising.
The protocol rises, trust’s further cemented
in a social environment through the emergence of friendship.
Working together authenticated the bond
as they learn from endeavours, which makes it so strong.
As communication prolongs, so the larynx does in the throats,
and they place an importance on trusting their own.
The hunter’s are vocal in where and when to attack,
as one studies for opening’s they’re aware their enemies have.
The hair descending his back stood as he heard a deafening bellow
that dared to tremble the canopies with its prevalent echo.
It was meant to let ‘Bet’ know of a new situation -
a threat to the threshold the two were engaged in.
‘Bet’ pursued it to aid him, lengthened his stride,
with no clue what awaited and his chest filled with pride.
He swept at the vines that appeared in his path
expecting to find a clearing at last.
When the searing impact of a blade struck in his chest
hand-engineered from a flat stone, just like the hunter possessed.
The blood unrelenting, a sign of abatement,
he looked up to question and eye his assailant.
‘Bet’s life had been taken by his ally and his friend
with the first lie in creation, ‘Alpha’ brought his life to an end.
The guy he depended on most had attacked
to try and affect dominance over their pack.
The stone still cold in his hand, he waited in watch,
content with knowing the fact -
the ‘Alpha’ male had resumed his place at the top...

Thanks to words, we have been able to rise above the brutes; and thanks to words, we have often sunk to the level of the demons. -Aldous Huxley

Eŋg · 01-27-2014, 08:45 PM

baron - while i can't hear you on a mic, your pengame is exceptional. very lineal, consumable, writing. where the proto-typical story was interesting but predictable in the frame of the quote. i saw the end about halfway through. that actually doesn't matter, as a) it was a creative take on the topic and b) your mechanics/succinct wording, as the vehicle, really carried this piece. the premise was just adequate. laconic lines which packed enough in a narrative sense also boasted something close to a rhythmic harmony. from a technical standing i can appreciate this is sharply-honed. it almost seemed didactic at times, but not in the derogatory sense. the best aspect was the gradual cognitive evolution you detailed. ironically: For arguments sake wasn't. would be hard to topple this.

certain - very diff. stylistically. more typical -- a contained short-story, in rhymed verse, basically. i often find dialogue a sticking point with writing like this, thankfully you dealt with it aptly. tbf, in your composition you came across like a very seasoned writer. the repetition of Master is clearly placed to emphasize the servile narrator's zealotry. in a weird way, i feel your ability to characterize overruled the need to do that -- though i could just be saying this because the repetitions annoyed. the word mauve felt a touch sketchy, and maybe jubilantly, but i wouldn't realistically pick any glaring flaws from your verse. i liked this, genuinely. i thought it was arguably a more creative take on the topic, but not quite as fitting.

v/lars. great battle.

01-20-2014, 11:36 AM	#1
Lars PROVEN BITER Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Wolverhampton Posts: 1,588 Battle Record: 5-0 Champed - The Winter Topical Rep Power: 1809298	Sure thing, go ahead and match your age, old timer. :) "Origin of Language" Let’s start with the day our protagonists met: For arguments sake, we’ll call ‘em ‘Alpha’ and ‘Bet’. Two Neanderthal men at the evolutionary cusp form a hunter-gatherer friendship in pursuit of the hunt. Food is a must, so in tandem they work with a mutual trust in an absence of words. Hands are their first tool, signals made with the fingers, so an understanding’s asserted to be relayed at a distance. With a waving of digits and signed interaction a basic depiction of what’s required is established. It’s vital for catching prey – their ordinate nature a survivalist tactic to warn them of danger. Their calls and behaviour grow ever-expressive and forge their relationships strength in dependence. It lends to expression, though their conveyance is blunt, a succession of gestured sounds made with their tongues. Replacing the grunts and guttural roars they are accustomed to trusting before. Adjusting accordingly, they share with their group the functioning orders of various tools. The pair of them use this form for announcing the areas new food sources are found in. As more is recounted and usage increases it also has grounding in grooming and teaching. Due to this reason adaptation excels in the communicative region they’re creating themselves. These basic, but central, components combining as each stage is essential for homogenising. The protocol rises, trust’s further cemented in a social environment through the emergence of friendship. Working together authenticated the bond as they learn from endeavours, which makes it so strong. As communication prolongs, so the larynx does in the throats, and they place an importance on trusting their own. The hunter’s are vocal in where and when to attack, as one studies for opening’s they’re aware their enemies have. The hair descending his back stood as he heard a deafening bellow that dared to tremble the canopies with its prevalent echo. It was meant to let ‘Bet’ know of a new situation - a threat to the threshold the two were engaged in. ‘Bet’ pursued it to aid him, lengthened his stride, with no clue what awaited and his chest filled with pride. He swept at the vines that appeared in his path expecting to find a clearing at last. When the searing impact of a blade struck in his chest hand-engineered from a flat stone, just like the hunter possessed. The blood unrelenting, a sign of abatement, he looked up to question and eye his assailant. ‘Bet’s life had been taken by his ally and his friend with the first lie in creation, ‘Alpha’ brought his life to an end. The guy he depended on most had attacked to try and affect dominance over their pack. The stone still cold in his hand, he waited in watch, content with knowing the fact - the ‘Alpha’ male had resumed his place at the top... Thanks to words, we have been able to rise above the brutes; and thanks to words, we have often sunk to the level of the demons. -Aldous Huxley __________________ PROVEN BITER Last edited by Lars; 01-24-2014 at 01:27 PM.

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01-27-2014, 08:45 PM	#2
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,150 Rep Power: 0	baron - while i can't hear you on a mic, your pengame is exceptional. very lineal, consumable, writing. where the proto-typical story was interesting but predictable in the frame of the quote. i saw the end about halfway through. that actually doesn't matter, as a) it was a creative take on the topic and b) your mechanics/succinct wording, as the vehicle, really carried this piece. the premise was just adequate. laconic lines which packed enough in a narrative sense also boasted something close to a rhythmic harmony. from a technical standing i can appreciate this is sharply-honed. it almost seemed didactic at times, but not in the derogatory sense. the best aspect was the gradual cognitive evolution you detailed. ironically: For arguments sake wasn't. would be hard to topple this. certain - very diff. stylistically. more typical -- a contained short-story, in rhymed verse, basically. i often find dialogue a sticking point with writing like this, thankfully you dealt with it aptly. tbf, in your composition you came across like a very seasoned writer. the repetition of Master is clearly placed to emphasize the servile narrator's zealotry. in a weird way, i feel your ability to characterize overruled the need to do that -- though i could just be saying this because the repetitions annoyed. the word mauve felt a touch sketchy, and maybe jubilantly, but i wouldn't realistically pick any glaring flaws from your verse. i liked this, genuinely. i thought it was arguably a more creative take on the topic, but not quite as fitting. v/lars. great battle.