AOWL Week 4: bleak (0-1) VS. Zenland (1-2) [ZENLAND WINS, 5-3.]

IamBenT · 03-08-2013, 10:07 AM

Aw man one of my favorite beats right here yo@!!! I'm buggin out right now!

ZenLand - Wow man, your multies are really nice, this is not too easy to do. I felt all the -tion rhymes in the beginning hurt you a bit, but your message was real on point, my fav part was when you rap it up in the end, "whats rich without poor", that dichotomy is the accepted world order and probably the heart of most of the evil in the world today. You have great ideas in this verse, I just wish you could sink it with some stronger, more visceral images, for example tell me about the old lady barely making it, the brothers dying in the streets cuz they got nothing else, etc.. help me to see that, rather than philosophize on it, so we can really see your art. cuz you have all the tools.

Bleak - the best part of your verse was the hook lol jk on the real, i liked this verse alot, the flow was pretty solid throughout, some lines could have been parsed a bit to get directly to your image but your word choice in this was really spectacular, i could visualize each image and then end when it speaks of mom with cancer, that got to me and made me sit up and really pay attention. strong sense of voice throughout this piece as well.

Vote -Bleak, although I love what Zenland is throwing out there, I feel Bleak had a better put together verse with more creativity and imagination that I appreciated.

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03-08-2013, 10:07 AM	#7
IamBenT SuPreaM Lyricyst Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: San Antonio, TX Posts: 704 Battle Record: 9-6 Rep Power: 412358	Aw man one of my favorite beats right here yo@!!! I'm buggin out right now! ZenLand - Wow man, your multies are really nice, this is not too easy to do. I felt all the -tion rhymes in the beginning hurt you a bit, but your message was real on point, my fav part was when you rap it up in the end, "whats rich without poor", that dichotomy is the accepted world order and probably the heart of most of the evil in the world today. You have great ideas in this verse, I just wish you could sink it with some stronger, more visceral images, for example tell me about the old lady barely making it, the brothers dying in the streets cuz they got nothing else, etc.. help me to see that, rather than philosophize on it, so we can really see your art. cuz you have all the tools. Bleak - the best part of your verse was the hook lol jk on the real, i liked this verse alot, the flow was pretty solid throughout, some lines could have been parsed a bit to get directly to your image but your word choice in this was really spectacular, i could visualize each image and then end when it speaks of mom with cancer, that got to me and made me sit up and really pay attention. strong sense of voice throughout this piece as well. Vote -Bleak, although I love what Zenland is throwing out there, I feel Bleak had a better put together verse with more creativity and imagination that I appreciated.