ROUND ONE: (15)Wise Ways vs. (18)Vividlyvague - (WISE WAYS WINS 6-1)

Pent uP · 01-17-2014, 09:23 PM

Wise -- I dig what you did here man, and I have to emphasize I mean no disrespect when i say this but when I "chartreuse" and "gah'bage" I damn near cracked a rib man. In all serious the garbage thing was a little bit on the questionable word scale for me. Regardless I felt like this verse was almost playful in nature and summed up both the picture and the spokes-model (focus) of the picture real well. I liked the flow of this - it was pretty smooth for the most part. Characterization was the strongest quality of this verse and definitely made it enjoyable. good shit.

Vivid -- I think you have the same downfall here that I see in a lot of frank verses and that's trying to be more lyrical then you are (or need to be, to be nicer). The way you tried stretching the scheme hurt you more than it helped you (and we've all been there before...some more than others) I think that effected your verses tone and your characterization a lot. I can't say anything in particular felt FORCED, but i can say that some of it didn't feel like it was as cohesive as it should've been. I think the storyline was alright but I just couldn't really get into the characters. I liked how you gave the female the positive role but I couldnt really get INTO the characters.

overall-- I liked wise's verses more simply because I could get into the characters...I guess making a verse purely out of characterization paid of for him this round. Vivid had a decent concept that I felt fell flat on the heels of his attempt at being too lyrical.

vote - Wise Ways.

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01-17-2014, 09:23 PM	#6
Pent uP Robin Williams of Fallen Victims Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 1,499 Battle Record: 25-11 Accomplishments - NC Hall of Fame Champed - Netcees Writers League (2x) - NWL Season 1 - Write Night I - Art of Writing League (2x) - Write Week IV Rep Power: 6862275	Wise -- I dig what you did here man, and I have to emphasize I mean no disrespect when i say this but when I "chartreuse" and "gah'bage" I damn near cracked a rib man. In all serious the garbage thing was a little bit on the questionable word scale for me. Regardless I felt like this verse was almost playful in nature and summed up both the picture and the spokes-model (focus) of the picture real well. I liked the flow of this - it was pretty smooth for the most part. Characterization was the strongest quality of this verse and definitely made it enjoyable. good shit. Vivid -- I think you have the same downfall here that I see in a lot of frank verses and that's trying to be more lyrical then you are (or need to be, to be nicer). The way you tried stretching the scheme hurt you more than it helped you (and we've all been there before...some more than others) I think that effected your verses tone and your characterization a lot. I can't say anything in particular felt FORCED, but i can say that some of it didn't feel like it was as cohesive as it should've been. I think the storyline was alright but I just couldn't really get into the characters. I liked how you gave the female the positive role but I couldnt really get INTO the characters. overall-- I liked wise's verses more simply because I could get into the characters...I guess making a verse purely out of characterization paid of for him this round. Vivid had a decent concept that I felt fell flat on the heels of his attempt at being too lyrical. vote - Wise Ways.