Picture Perfect

Split · 01-22-2013, 07:23 PM

The details and what not search beneath my rumblin’ rage,
My thoughts of vanilla pages, cage an infatuation with me for days.
Cross paths of - happiness and pain….
I cross the pain to over power happiness in a clutched fist with chains.

allllmost slick. agree you need to edit more. all your drops are like, would be dope with grammar/ awkward wording issues that make them not. keep keyin.

Mike Wrecka · 01-22-2013, 07:55 PM

the opener was dope.

With our eyes burning - seeing is not just believing, its learning,
Its turning the pages n wondering the thoughts we're solemnly earning

and ya I feel like that bar is worded perfectly. disagree with the person that said solemly should have been left out. the syllable count is 16 then 17. without solemly it would have been 16 then 14. I think it works better the way you had it. anyway this was a nice drop but it dropped off noticeably as it progressed. good read though.

01-22-2013, 07:23 PM	#1
Split . Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 8,898 Battle Record: 27-22 Rep Power: 85899399	The details and what not search beneath my rumblin’ rage, My thoughts of vanilla pages, cage an infatuation with me for days. Cross paths of - happiness and pain…. I cross the pain to over power happiness in a clutched fist with chains. allllmost slick. agree you need to edit more. all your drops are like, would be dope with grammar/ awkward wording issues that make them not. keep keyin. __________________ http://split8.yolasite.com

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01-22-2013, 07:55 PM	#2
Mike Wrecka WOW Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,591 Battle Record: 29-25 Champed - Writing Challenge League I Rep Power: 82779338	the opener was dope. With our eyes burning - seeing is not just believing, its learning, Its turning the pages n wondering the thoughts we're solemnly earning and ya I feel like that bar is worded perfectly. disagree with the person that said solemly should have been left out. the syllable count is 16 then 17. without solemly it would have been 16 then 14. I think it works better the way you had it. anyway this was a nice drop but it dropped off noticeably as it progressed. good read though.