AOWL WK 3: Vinzr (0-0) VS. Aesthetic (0-0) [VINZR WINS, 7-1.]

Pent uP · 03-04-2013, 10:22 PM

Aes -- Pretty good grasp of metaphors. The second part made the first part feel...ruined. It felt like you were too hesitant to let us figure out the metaphor ourselves so you just put a whole bunch of spoilers in. That metaphor itself would've been dope if you just ditched the second part and kind of expanded the connections between the storm and the Self. I liked how you capitalized "purpose" and made it personified while keeping it part of the metaphor. Overall your verse showed lots of potential but there wasn't anything stand out about it.

Vinzr -- This is the only verse I had to read twice this week. Not to understand; but to fully enjoy. I love when that happens. The summation made in the final lines played right into the beginning and made me understand how useless all that treasures and adventures were and why the tone was almost lackadaisical (not in terms of writing but writer tone, it was effective). It ready very quickly and was easy on the eyes but held a good amount of content in its subtext and ended up being pretty impressive. Keep doing it.

vote -- Vinzr for having done something outstanding with his concept.

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03-04-2013, 10:22 PM	#1
Pent uP Robin Williams of Fallen Victims Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 1,499 Battle Record: 25-11 Accomplishments - NC Hall of Fame Champed - Netcees Writers League (2x) - NWL Season 1 - Write Night I - Art of Writing League (2x) - Write Week IV Rep Power: 6862275	Aes -- Pretty good grasp of metaphors. The second part made the first part feel...ruined. It felt like you were too hesitant to let us figure out the metaphor ourselves so you just put a whole bunch of spoilers in. That metaphor itself would've been dope if you just ditched the second part and kind of expanded the connections between the storm and the Self. I liked how you capitalized "purpose" and made it personified while keeping it part of the metaphor. Overall your verse showed lots of potential but there wasn't anything stand out about it. Vinzr -- This is the only verse I had to read twice this week. Not to understand; but to fully enjoy. I love when that happens. The summation made in the final lines played right into the beginning and made me understand how useless all that treasures and adventures were and why the tone was almost lackadaisical (not in terms of writing but writer tone, it was effective). It ready very quickly and was easy on the eyes but held a good amount of content in its subtext and ended up being pretty impressive. Keep doing it. vote -- Vinzr for having done something outstanding with his concept.