Aztec Lazer Tag (Vulg and oXus)

[Vulgar]

[

[PancakeBrah]

Oh jeezus.

Will feed this later. First skim through it looks appropriately epic.

[veritas]

I just read to the borg part and tapped from tje ether.

[Inno]

why is this getting slept on.

[dead man]

cause its pretty massive.

anyhow

it becomes clear quickly who's verse is who's. vulgar's style has a distinct type of referential usage - it's always diverse, ancient and just obscured enough to warrant a second glance. maybe even a google search or two. i'm reminded vaguely of brokenswordz and excal's old 'ancient' collaborate pieces - although this is obviously on a higher plane in terms of depth of content. its almost 2014, shit.

first, i'll pull a few quotables. why not

@Vulgar

just in case of sticky situations, wondering if Trojan Horses defecate

lol

Bulbasaurs etch their blades; a frozen borg rests in wait
Sulphur pours onto my forest-worn oak menorah breakfast plate
I order more and watch the soldiers gorge on yellow maize

craze. i can see it now.

i am putting your verses in order of the series in the title image. maybe my mind is playing tricks on me but it seems to work very well that way. i began to pick up images that seem like allusions to the correlative scenes from each of the four stanzas. like

overlords from the ocean floor

subterranean levels.

you're creating a battlecry type of atmosphere. egyptian warfare. i'm interested in how english follows up

eng -

or @oXus

let me begin by saying i think i certainly enjoy your introspective works more than your purely descriptive 'topical' stuff. it's your strong suit, the strength you've developed and it seemed here more-so like you were conforming to vulgar's aptitude for pure description and coming up a bit short in the process. here's what i liked:

bent and swayed to predicate the present state:
Learned martyrdom to avert a carnage of my people;

first line was dope little spitfire - second line was a gripping thought.

Knelt to kiss His Fordship’s ring… hesitant: I, briefly, meditated

low-key this is my favorite line in the entire piece. just finished up BNW a few weeks back. heard a lot of strange shit about Mr. Huxley since from a couple of people. need to start doing some research for myself. but yeah, this reference was one that really resonated with me and kept me hooked.

i mean, when it comes down to it, that's the kind of writing this demonstrated - descriptive, allusion-heavy material that does (or does not) encompass the spirit of the image it accompanies. reinforcing and extrapolating visual patterns, prejudice and story lines from what we only see on it's surface. you guys both accomplish this well, it's phenomenal from this standpoint as expected by anyone who saw this posted. it's immense. it contains that epic, adventurous vibration that you were going for. something many have attempted with sub-standard conceptual themes and failed in doing so.

for the record, although the previously quoted line was my favorite - the line that followed was highly disappointing. i'm not fond of the parenthetical device for this kind of work unless it's used in a way that feels necessary. this felt contrived and pseudo kitschy.

Serenading falcon-mortars bleed lead shrapnel: He designed these tactics,
a Balkan author has three left; Camels -- historically you’d find his match lit.

bliss. rhyming complexity. something you've always managed better than most. sometimes a bit obscured in the whirlwind but a few close read reveals all. (parentheses or does it? parentheses)

We're playing lazer tag with Indians & robbers in an arena built for civil dialogue
Quetzlcoatl's got a headcold, the Gilgamesh's are dying off
Grip your diadems, scrap the Tylenols

first line dragged a bit for my personal taste but the pattern was nuts. and the abstracted lens through which you see things sets the stage for truly signature writing. a style that belongs to you and you alone. i have always wished for you to take a more personalized, bare naked approach to writing. strip it down to it's basic form and write for self. maybe what i'm referring to is just not in your interest which is understandable it's just a thought.

here's a better way to put it. since this work clearly favored vulgar stylistically - if you guys ever were to write another collaborative work, reverse it. favor english's penance for reflective deep thought. views from parlor windows and 3am whiskey glasses. heirlooms and ascribed meanings. the world made personal.

tracing terrain in my antediluvian inflated boots

this was actually quite clever imo. the boots before the flood. people are always preparing for the wrath of god. maybe all we need is a better raincoat.

I had the view as Metztli coughed up a blackened moon
& the Crimson King lifts soul from body as if there’s Rapture due.

too solid.



all in all - you guys brought together some great descriptive writing. i noted that you changed the picture after posting the original - it was some sort of old wiseman in a decorative hat. thats about all i remember.

I'm hoping to read another installment sooner than later.

thanks guys.



1

[zygote]

Pretty great, don't want to give a long comment but it is very good to have the different trains of thoughts throughout. Favorite part was the mixing of a happy tone and this phrase - "Welcome to Tenochtitlan asylum! The vile pastures are part of me" It is effective because it is comparing two different aspects one absurd and one grounded in reality. E.g., just by itself asylum is something normal, but adding the part before gives it a more vivid/fantasy aspect. Only these pop culture reference seemed out of place "Alien vs. Predator vs. Republican vs. Vagabond
Let's put a bull's eye through that mechanized flower for Algernon" the overall theme seemed to be like ancient/Mesoamerican stuff, they have a rich history of civilization and culture there, and both halves of the collaboration tapped into it here.

[Split]

bookmarked. ill be back

[Objective]

My gun blade truncates (now) numb napes of Kurosawa’s seven saints
^ This was dope as fuck!

There’s no finer craft it’s… matadors chasing bulls in a China shop,
Time has stopped as my sinus popped sat at the Old God’s civic dining spot
^ Extremely well crafted imo. The sentence is natural, yet the rhymescheme is as on point as it can get imo. Thoroughly enjoyed this part.

We're playing lazer tag with Indians & robbers in an arena built for civil dialogue
Quetzlcoatl's got a headcold, the Gilgamesh's are dying off
^ This shit is extremely dope as fuck, the opening line is one some; ''Holy fuck, it's far fetched but I love what you're getting at!''. I remember learning about Gilgamesh in school, one of the only stories I found to be extremely dope as fuck and interesting beside of Oedipus and the Oracle in Delphi. The way you used Gilgamesh as a reference point here is above conceptualization and really turning intellect, rhyming/writing and history on to some next level shit. Stuff like this can easily go unnoticed, but not this time around. I even know a little bit about Quetzlcoatl due to Final Fantasy as well, had to google that bit to understand what you were getting on about and wasn't overly surprised by the fact it had to do with the aztecs. This might be my favourite opening line to a paragraph in 2013. Well done, be proud of this shit.

The third paragraph is bananas as a whole. Be proud.

Good afternoon. Iwamatsu spat fire… so I exhale naphtha fumes.
Traded my pen nib’s edge from a Muramasa to a Masamune,
^ PURE DOPENESS!

All in all the entire piece is extremely well crafted and deserves A LOT more quotes than I've already commented on, I'd nominate this for the CotY (Collabo of the Year). It's inspiring as fuck too. I mean, holy fuck guys. It's everything I love in topical writing in one verse. History, mythology, japanese arts & crafts, intellect and far fetched concepts/wordplays. I mean, this shit guys, this shit is..

Let's put it this way; I haven't given anyone on netcees a 10/10 on a piece yet. But this deserves it. Definitely an automatically HoF-Nom from me. PURE fucking dopeness.

[Eŋg]

whew. going to up this. because.

you'll get some feeds back, soon!

[Split]

only dissecting the last two a bit because of time restraints. sorry.



These ancient relics... have been ensconced in mist for centuries
Does the concept of Godsend apply to polytheistic entities?
>illy


Emerald dresses bless a dark fertile crescent - sequins were pale
A child's knuckles rap against the wood to hear the demon's detail,
>really excellent imagery, and also fresh vocab. not too stilted.




Rain produced Hagakure-born ninjas with attributes of Stormbringer
& absolute laws hinder none as the blast of an Oliphant horn lingers.
>cooool

It’s Aztec Lazer Tag, Coatlicue compresses tablets made of hash
smoked through the pied pipe(r), biting sound hoping the brigade will track
or a phrase can catch as the phases pass; it’s all sacred math:
the maxim’s proof -- though I’m sure I’ll make my Master, soon.
Good afternoon. Iwamatsu spat fire… so I exhale naphtha fumes.
>firefirefire


Traded my pen nib’s edge from a Muramasa to a Masamune,
I had the view as Metztli coughed up a blackened moon
& the Crimson King lifts soul from body as if there’s Rapture due.
I’m past attuned, penny-rent penitent, bramble vest fabric I wear
…commuting to the front lines everyday amidst a vanity fair.
>killer. loved the flow of consonant and vowel sounds in the second to last lines... i dont even know what mix of devices it technically is, it just sounds very satisfying.



overall it was a really dope concept, lots of room for creativity but still leashed to a set of ideas/ concepts. i think oXus really worked well with Vulgar's style here, but perhaps he didn't bring enough panache to the table to really stand toe-to-toe with Vulgar.

Some funny bits as well. subtlety! shabat lol.

Lyrically near flawless by both. Incredible use of references. I wish that was my steez but I'd have to research for mad long to be able to write something that like approached this. Might try it someday to see what it's like.


A little dense in spots. Vulgar has most of us used to that. But still, I can't appreciate the majority of these concepts because I stay in context when on my phone/ tablet (all i have time for these days )-: )


dope drop. made me want to write.

keep keyin