Week 7 - Title Match - Mr. J (5-1) vs. Frank (4-2) - FRANK WINS 8-2

[Certain]

Mr. J: The big-twist approach is easy to do but difficult to do well, and I think you fell into one of the most common trappings of it: ambiguity. This verse felt all over the place, particularly with the many run-on sentences and unfinished thoughts. Had you told the story of the Sasquatch and its exodus from society without revealing the twist, this concept probably would have worked much smoother. But because you went with a stream of consciousness, the verse was very off-putting on first read and really only slightly more revelatory on the second and third. Sure, there were hints dropped throughout the verse, but they didn't create a deeper picture. When I reread after learning the twist, I connected a few things but didn't completely rethink anything the way these big-twist endings are supposed to work.

Your writing also was a bit off. I mentioned the run-on thoughts, where you didn't complete images and sentences. That may have been intentional, but it was off-putting because the verse's content itself already was flowing all over the place. It also was a big change from the way you normally write, which features more contained thoughts and lots of wit. This writing felt very disconnected. The rhyming definitely picked up at "so I wandered off," which was good becasue there were a few weak points early.

You're a lot better than this verse showed. I think you might have executed better with a more constrained outline and more markers, to cut into the rambling a little bit. Don't get me wrong: This is a good verse that would have won many battles in this league. But you're in the championship match against one of the favorites, and having not read Frank's verse yet, I'm not sure this will cut it.

Frank: Did you let ZYG write your verse for you this week? That's not an insult, and there obviously were trademark differences. I liked seeing this side from you, stepping away from traditional narratives to drop something unusual. The take on beetles was both exceptionally creative and very directly relevant to the topic, and you executed it well.

I could have done without the first stanza. That part felt as though it was written before you'd completely settled on what you were going to write, and while I am guessing you were digging for a connection between maple syrup and the trees, it simply wasn't executed well enough to be affecting. Instead, the introductory paragraph felt a bit like a misdirection, which turned into a distraction as I looked for the circle back that only sort of reconnected at the end with the line about the dogs. Had you included the dogs in the opening stanza, that might have been a nice touch and way to close, but as is, it felt like it was thrown in to justify the first stanza.

There were a few small hiccups int he writing, particularly lines that should and could have been shortened because of clunky wording. The first line of the fourth stanza really stood out as awkward. But you mostly were able to jam a lot of information into a tight space in a way that made sense. Yes, there were major parts of this verse that felt like a rehashing of the Wikipedia page of the mountain pine beetle, but that's acceptable because you were providing background for us.

Again, I thought this verse was rather impressively conceived. It wasn't as natural or smooth as your more straightforward stories, but the difficult concept made that acceptable. I think your directly really paid off this week in contrast to Mr. J's vague approach, and the contrast made it easy to see who won this battle.

Vote: Frank