Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Vault > Archives > The Netcees archive > AOWL Season 2 Archive

User Tag List

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-03-2013, 08:30 PM   #1
PancakeBrah
SOBER
 
PancakeBrah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 12,480
Battle Record: 2-5


Champed
- AOWL Season 2

Rep Power: 85899407
PancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond repute
Default

Certain -

Very gewd. I don't quite understand where the other voters are coming from in saying this verse was made by the twist; I enjoyed thoroughly before I knew the twist. You have a very smooth style with the rhymes trickling down into a tightly woven web. That's a horrible metaphor, I hope you liked it. Anyhoo, the writing was top notch. The only parts I didn't like were 'sugar and spice' (I understand the thinking in using that, but blech) and 'rush of her zest' which just seemed a touch forced to me. Aside from that, I enjoyed the wording, rhymes, and imagery bunches. reclusive type/four roses fused with ice, basked and glowed/swayed like axl rose, opal contacts/smoke on cognac. Gewd. The smell of cologne on the small of her back. Nice. I enjoyed the juxtaposition between the characters, which was made even more enjoyable by the twist. Good job buck-o.

Vulgar -

Also good. Not your best in terms of rhymes and flow, I think but still better than most. You picked up steam about 1/3 of the way in and didn't let up aside from a couple hiccups here and there. The characterization of the mother was pretty strong, which is a compliment because it's a role that's been done many times (grieving/frustrated mother of a troubled youth). In terms of rhyming your probably edged out Certain, although it was closer than I thought it'd be. Wording was pretty strong throughout with no real glaring weaknesses in my read through. I did not like the twist, though. It seemed a little convenient, rushed, and illogical. Even I bought the 'twist' (it really isn't a twist, I guess) I think you would have been well served to have a couple lines in between the 'land mines' line and the topic sentence.

v/ Certain for the better execution of the topic with a similar quality of writing in comparison to Vulgar, albeit with two opposing styles. Two strong verses from two strong writers.
__________________
Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder
PancakeBrah is offline  
Closed Thread

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:49 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2025 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+