Week 5 - Split Eight (0-1) vs. Genocide (0-1) - SPLIT EIGHT WINS 11-1

Vulgar · 10-28-2013, 01:33 AM

Genocide I've always been drawn to your style because of its well spoken-ness and inner honesty. You're a writer who's not afraid to give expectant readers a dose of your reality. Nice wording, pacing and what not. A little lax in terms of overall impact. You keystyled this one vs. actually trying to write one of your best pieces.

Split Eight I was going to say that you may tend to over-detail your verses to the point of suffocation. I'm not. The ending was very crisp and surprised me. This was like Requiem of a Dream meets The Notebook with a collegiate edge. Completely you, lol. I still think you can shave off some of those episodes of erratic detail speedpainting. Utilize some of those types of lines, but also give the verse some room to move around and stretch its legs... the reader can either be inside of a cramped train car or watch someone do ballet in a relatively empty one en route to Perception Ave.

Thought Split took this.

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10-28-2013, 01:33 AM	#15
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Genocide I've always been drawn to your style because of its well spoken-ness and inner honesty. You're a writer who's not afraid to give expectant readers a dose of your reality. Nice wording, pacing and what not. A little lax in terms of overall impact. You keystyled this one vs. actually trying to write one of your best pieces. Split Eight I was going to say that you may tend to over-detail your verses to the point of suffocation. I'm not. The ending was very crisp and surprised me. This was like Requiem of a Dream meets The Notebook with a collegiate edge. Completely you, lol. I still think you can shave off some of those episodes of erratic detail speedpainting. Utilize some of those types of lines, but also give the verse some room to move around and stretch its legs... the reader can either be inside of a cramped train car or watch someone do ballet in a relatively empty one en route to Perception Ave. Thought Split took this.