SKULLKID (deadman/split8) - Emeritus I

[Zen]

Just read. Dope as fuck. When I get onmy laptop I will leave in depth feed that's long overdue.

I'm guessing that the first verse is @Split Eight. At least I think so and a few other people have said the same so it must be. I'll start with what I didn't like about it. My complaints are small, in fact there's only two that I can think of. In some instances you were using very complex words with a few words that just seemed very out of place. "beady" is one that sticks out right at the beginning. It was nothing major just something that irked me as a reader. The other complaint would be several lines towards the end. The "dreams" line and the following one just seemed out of place, but now that I reread it that actually works well with what you were trying to convey. You were out of place, and so were the lines. Hmmmm. Now I see. The positives of this, which it always is with you, is your great use of vocabulary. I won't pretend to understand each and every word, but regardless they create a poetic atmosphere for the story to unfold and it did. Great job here.

Hello @dead man. You're writing is always very refined and structured perfectly. Seriously. In reading this I only found one line that stood out to me like it should not have been there and that was the "blood on the leaves" line. After I read that I felt that it might have been too stretched compared to the others that came before it. No worries on that though. It's not a major problem at all. What impressed me most in this was your use of alliteration. I'm not sure if others noticed this but the way you would carry one consonant through an entire line was quite impressive. The Saria's song line sticks out to me the most. Another strong point was your use of rhyming two or three times within one line. It carries the piece forward and makes an entertaining read. Great work.

One of the best pieces I've read on here in awhile. Props.