Week 2 - Mr. J (1-0) vs. breathless (0-0) - MR. J WINS 9-4

[Certain]

breathless: This was a good introductory piece. Your writing was very smooth, with a natural bounce to the rhymes. The diction was conversational in a good way, the type that shows you're trying to sound like you're not trying, which is what a lot of good writing can be categorized as. The flaw is that you didn't go too far beyond a literal and think take on the topic. You spent most of the verse dealing in axioms and turns of phrases that didn't really mean a lot or ground your verse and its central conflict in something relatable. Welcome to the league, though.

Mr. J: This is a step back from last week but another good showing from you. I also wrote about a basketball player coming off an injury (which you can read in the Open Mic forum), but mine was much more specific. You tend to recline into a general topic and go off in many tangents a lot, and that's clearly what happened in this verse. But you're a good enough writer to pull it off. "Couldn't get where I traveled unless they had carried first" is a really, really strong line. The flow and mechanics were standard for your verses, and the take on the topic was just a bit more nuanced than breathless', though this battle is close.

Vote: Mr. J