The beauty of it all

Vulgar · 09-30-2013, 09:15 PM

@Innovator

I remember this being the piece that felled the mighty banana hammock him/herself, (weird right?) The language you use is sensory and delicate, almost exclusively de leche but blended with a healthy realism to give it real world cred.

Rubric of Understanding: The ballad (if I remember correctly) was about overcoming a system where dirty tactics are employed against the people to oppress them, and a solution is to see "'between" the glaring imperfections in order to pierce its base and transcend its toxicity. The texture I would say was a moist archaic, mostly due to your wording.

Enjoyment/Degree of Wonder: I thought you did a good job giving this a mysterious trait but also explaining it well. The writing was slightly muddled, as in the diction wasn't as sharp as it needed to be in some instances but you hit the theme in a unique way, which is why you walked away with the victory.

Originality: Our system as a prison is played out-ish. Your chosen direction was a reroute of a different kind so that wasn't an issue. When poets start regurgitating 'poetic points' that others have done, it can be very noticeable. Wasn't the case here; I just noticed prison and system so they became glued together for some reason in my mind.

Between the dirt grains we find diamond feet
^Brilliant line..

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09-30-2013, 09:15 PM	#1
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	@Innovator I remember this being the piece that felled the mighty banana hammock him/herself, (weird right?) The language you use is sensory and delicate, almost exclusively de leche but blended with a healthy realism to give it real world cred. Rubric of Understanding: The ballad (if I remember correctly) was about overcoming a system where dirty tactics are employed against the people to oppress them, and a solution is to see "'between" the glaring imperfections in order to pierce its base and transcend its toxicity. The texture I would say was a moist archaic, mostly due to your wording. Enjoyment/Degree of Wonder: I thought you did a good job giving this a mysterious trait but also explaining it well. The writing was slightly muddled, as in the diction wasn't as sharp as it needed to be in some instances but you hit the theme in a unique way, which is why you walked away with the victory. Originality: Our system as a prison is played out-ish. Your chosen direction was a reroute of a different kind so that wasn't an issue. When poets start regurgitating 'poetic points' that others have done, it can be very noticeable. Wasn't the case here; I just noticed prison and system so they became glued together for some reason in my mind. Between the dirt grains we find diamond feet ^Brilliant line..