Week 1 - Rawn MD vs. Zenland - RAWN MD WINS 6-4

Dove Dozer · 09-28-2013, 08:24 PM

man..

Zenland - I enjoyed reading your verse. Mainly because of the rhymes on top of rhymes in multisyllable format. Its quite entertaining in that alone, but its a double edged sword here. It came off forced in some areas like you were wanting to rhyme above all else. which might work depending on your topic and how you flip it, but I felt this was trying to hard to impress with rhymes rather than capture the reader with a story and pull em in. you feel me? Don't get me wrong here, the rhyming was ridiculous. But the story felt all over the place in a sense. anyhow strong showing.

Rawn - this was good. strong storytelling, which held my attention. technically this wasn't all too much exciting, but it was solid and held its own with a good story and some really really nice imagery.

I got Rawn on this.

09-28-2013, 08:24 PM	#9
Dove Dozer loose leaf bruce lee Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,077 Battle Record: 7-6 Rep Power: 1853216	man.. Zenland - I enjoyed reading your verse. Mainly because of the rhymes on top of rhymes in multisyllable format. Its quite entertaining in that alone, but its a double edged sword here. It came off forced in some areas like you were wanting to rhyme above all else. which might work depending on your topic and how you flip it, but I felt this was trying to hard to impress with rhymes rather than capture the reader with a story and pull em in. you feel me? Don't get me wrong here, the rhyming was ridiculous. But the story felt all over the place in a sense. anyhow strong showing. Rawn - this was good. strong storytelling, which held my attention. technically this wasn't all too much exciting, but it was solid and held its own with a good story and some really really nice imagery. I got Rawn on this. __________________

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