I <3 schemes

Inno · 09-06-2013, 06:12 PM

Gimme a sec

Will edit here

Edit.

Ok so this starts off really dopd with some pretty smooth imagery great start to thw piece tbh. Though you say its love about some of your word choices seemed off..orr didnt fit with that tone the subject love produces. Words like aint, cause, and the last couple lines seemd a bit lazy. I would like to have seen morw lines like the wearing the moon and the one that follows that actually...those lines had depth and a profound sense to them that I enjoyed..and yes the flow was on point.

Nothing bad about this read I enjoyed it. Aside from what I pointed out this was cool . and tbh what I mentioned u cab chalk it up to personal preference...keep posting

09-06-2013, 06:12 PM	#11
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,025 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899403	Gimme a sec Will edit here Edit. Ok so this starts off really dopd with some pretty smooth imagery great start to thw piece tbh. Though you say its love about some of your word choices seemed off..orr didnt fit with that tone the subject love produces. Words like aint, cause, and the last couple lines seemd a bit lazy. I would like to have seen morw lines like the wearing the moon and the one that follows that actually...those lines had depth and a profound sense to them that I enjoyed..and yes the flow was on point. Nothing bad about this read I enjoyed it. Aside from what I pointed out this was cool . and tbh what I mentioned u cab chalk it up to personal preference...keep posting Last edited by Inno; 09-06-2013 at 06:24 PM.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Switch to Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Threaded Mode