Week 4 - Word vs VERITAS - DRAWN

patrown · 08-18-2013, 04:40 AM

/v veritas - well. i don't get it. the coolest devices? a judge? what?.. rereading..
So. you're basically saying that american corporations are overstepping their boundaries. and that money and power isn't theirs to take. or something.
okay, i can vibe with that. you really said it in a strange, hard to comprehend way.
and i'm fairly drunk. but i still got it. so, i give you props for that. i agree with your message. you were a bit simplistic at times. if the font wasn't so goddamn huge, well. you could have fit more in lines. write in complete thoughts. it will take you farther. still, nice drop.

word - i agree with your message. you just failed. here's why.

I say it's not THEIR right to get involved in my life
it's MY life and I'll be damned if I'll be controlled
by the same damn system that's supposed to hold

capitalizing words to emphasize them is not acceptable in a grade school essay.
please, rely on tools like.. imagery. or, rhyming off something you want to be looked at.
to put emphasis on things. also, ill be damned, damn system? -- damn lazy. really. be more creative with how you put your ideas forward. it's not that you don't know what you're doing.. but if you're making a point about 'merica.. don't be so self centered. unless it's an autobiography. and you're really a cool ass dude 'merican with a few statues dedicated to your great 'merican deeds.. no offense. i'm just being real. honestly, you made some good points here. that's just my honest opinion in the form of advice. nice drop either way. you were real about it but needed to spice up the delivery a bit.

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08-18-2013, 04:40 AM	#9
patrown ‹^›ô¿ô‹^› Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 596 Battle Record: 13-19 Rep Power: 0	/v veritas - well. i don't get it. the coolest devices? a judge? what?.. rereading.. So. you're basically saying that american corporations are overstepping their boundaries. and that money and power isn't theirs to take. or something. okay, i can vibe with that. you really said it in a strange, hard to comprehend way. and i'm fairly drunk. but i still got it. so, i give you props for that. i agree with your message. you were a bit simplistic at times. if the font wasn't so goddamn huge, well. you could have fit more in lines. write in complete thoughts. it will take you farther. still, nice drop. word - i agree with your message. you just failed. here's why. I say it's not THEIR right to get involved in my life it's MY life and I'll be damned if I'll be controlled by the same damn system that's supposed to hold capitalizing words to emphasize them is not acceptable in a grade school essay. please, rely on tools like.. imagery. or, rhyming off something you want to be looked at. to put emphasis on things. also, ill be damned, damn system? -- damn lazy. really. be more creative with how you put your ideas forward. it's not that you don't know what you're doing.. but if you're making a point about 'merica.. don't be so self centered. unless it's an autobiography. and you're really a cool ass dude 'merican with a few statues dedicated to your great 'merican deeds.. no offense. i'm just being real. honestly, you made some good points here. that's just my honest opinion in the form of advice. nice drop either way. you were real about it but needed to spice up the delivery a bit.