Week 4 - Flo Real vs PiE - PIE WINS

[Split]

Flo Real.
But listen yo, for all the devastation he caused he always said I really flowed.
Lol u wot?
Creative take on the topic, wouldn't have picked birth certificate. Think you could have chosen better rhymes. The end rhymes in particular were wtf. "I'm serious... Really!" Kinda cringeworthy. You captured the perspective of you and your dad well, but the writing/ emotions weren't nuanced. It would have worked MUCH better in third person, or with shorter lines using more direct cognizant language. Felt like I was watching a really good one man improv play being acted out by a tired, unconvincing actor. U seemed uninspired. Shallow wordplay and figurative language and dint like the flow here

PiE. Lmao this was a really, really dopely unique storyline. Lmao stock trader seminar holder. Yo but halfway through the verse. Why did your character start skullfucking a hooker like nbd? Worst immersion breaker ever. I really, really hate drawn out sex scenes/ sex talk in topicals. Such a cop out that is never interesting or advances the story or does anything but fill lines. Still managed to. Be witty and entertaining throughout, mostly. He hints of it at the very least, very dry humor. The ending was whack.

Basically, good stuff but you need polish in obvious places. Great start tho. Almost ruined yourself at the end.

Had PiE with a cooler construction around the topic and slightly more depth of character.