THOUGHT EXERCISE: A PERFECTLY CONTENT REALITY.

[Darth Yoda]

whoa..

[Split]

Did you just watch Wristcutters: A Love Story?

Meaning your main character seems like they are in purgatory. Or maybe Scranton. i enjoyed the full sentences here. Lots of immersion breakers like in the movie Inception when the projections begin to notice something is off and become less at ease

Are you aware of the Shepard tone? It is a sensation created in music, where a progression of notes is played in a manner that creates the illusion of constantly ascending/ descending tone, and generally gives a feeling of unease.

This piece captures that feeling


Interesting things to note- your boss tells you to put your feet up and relax, weird.

you are only explained one of the roles in deliveries- the other is sitting back and doing the books. Maybe it's implied that it is just dropping things off, but I didnt get that from the context. Your house is empty, and Joan is in interior design.

You move into her house because it has furniture, which is a strange way to rationalize such an intimate move

Also lol at "you stick to your position" I c u

The feeling of perfectly synchronized clockwork seems to act like water torture here, eventually the complacency overcomes the main characters psyche without changing a bit

Generally, I ended (having read 3-4 times) believing it was about an outsider who feels blindly accepted beyond the limits of normalcy, which makes him feel disconnected entirely. He feels trapped in something and he can no longer see how he is trapped- much like Eyedea's Birth of a Fish- until a moment of revelation when he chops his finger off in an attempt to break the fugue

Unfortunately, his terror comes to a crescendo at the end when he has not changed anything at all. A testament to a rut.

Excellent writing and a nicely crafted conclusion that carried the tone/ mood throughout the piece, in a snowball effect that made a dissonant note consume the entire rhythm.

Always look forwards to reading your stories, keep keyin Zygote