WEEK NINE MAG: 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT FRANK

[Adverse]

INTRO:
For eons, humanity has come together in the face of tragedy and joyful occasions alike. Whether it be 9/11, Burning Man, and even something as terrible as a Kenny Chesney concert can bring people with the same terrible common interests to my own place to worship, to rejoice in the gift of life, to grieve for their community. So what brings all together on this fine eve you may be asking yourself?

Our intense hatred of Frank, of course.

But before we get into that can of worms, we’ve got reviews for the last two weeks (7-8) and a preview of week nine. I’m sorry if you’ve missed the mag, for some of you this may be your only source of entertainment for the week, you may wake up every morning disappointed when you don’t see a mag posted, you may curse me under your breath because your life revolves around my low level of comedic talent and half assed reviews. And to the people who have missed me and whose very existence circulates around this mags publication I say I’m sorry from the bottom of my heart, but I also pose the question; have you NOT discovered internet porn yet?

WEEK SEVEN REVIEWS:

CHAMP MATCH: DOMINATE VS MASTER ROCK


This one didn’t really live up the the hype. Rock has had a good season but for whatever reason he wasn’t able to bring it to his fullest extent here, that might have made the read more interesting. He was alright per usual had a couple of highlight lines, but the majority of it read like a key style. Dominate continues to dominate (pun intended?) his take was from an advertisement point of view trying to sell wings, along with other plastic surgery services. Was really a good read and can’t wait to see what he does this week.

RESULT: DOM WINS

CONTENDER MATCH: FRANK VS NYCSPITZ


This one may have been more fitting for a championship match as both of these veterans absolutely brought it with only a single vote deciding the battle. The two had different takes on the topic, NYC wrote about the “deranged octopus bitch” who mirrors a DC comics villain. The way he approached the topic with the effective refraining, the order he told the story in and the comedy mixed in made for a dope verse. In the other corner, Frank, told us a cool narrative about a legendary sea monster/siren that would whisk fishermen away to their deaths, and their wives following suit after going searching for them. Was a great premise. NYC squeezed by in this battle which could honestly have went either way. Frank will be back soon for revenge, guarantee it.

RESULT: NYC WINS

OBJECTIVE VS MIKE WRECKA


This one was probably the most surprising battle of the week. The result wasn’t one I was personally expecting but Mike Wrecka was out written here. He had a solid narrative but really lacked the content due to his verse being shorter. Objective found a way to shit all over the greedy machine that is America and in the same breath his tongue and cheek “mistake” about naming the villain of his piece “Mike” was awesome. If Wrecka writes a little bit more next week and gives time for his story to flesh out he should be golden, but as of now

RESULT: OBJECTIVE WINS

BROKENHAL0 vs EVICTION


In what was easily the battle that contained the most confounded topic in league history (sorry for that) we had two heavyweights square off. Both took well written and similar approaches, Eviction kind of wrote his usual piece here but as they say if it isn’t broken don’t fix it, Hal0 was a lot more abstract but didn’t really live up to his usual cringe inducing imagery and his super detailed gore descriptions. All in all Eviction clung to a W and kept his exceptional record squeaky clean.

RESULT: EVICTION WINS



WEEK SEVEN NO SHOW SHINE:

Shout out to Candy for showing us all if you just stick with it, you’re bound to pick up a couple of victories via NS. Anyways, here’s his verse from Week Seven.




The Ultra Sound On A Train

..

Ever since i was young, sound spun like a paradox drummed
A visual anniversary in my nursery envelopes sung
Some called me Santa
some hitler..
these wishes from lists with a touch of "US"
Schizophrenia from synesthesia it would later be hung
A scarlet letter thats passed through father flesh yet i still read them in love...

This sound so silent to most was of new borns and beyond
I reach the graves of hades, his dead babies and contort it into song
The coupling of a train never fades once it has been embraced
That is in which this disease is like as i wipe the rainbow sweat from my face
I felt that no one could see the intensity dripping from me
I felt like i was an immortal being with a purpose not of this scene
But atlas i was just insane,
so i medicate daily
I got addicted to downers because i could no longer hear/see peoples day dreams

..

i drank coffee so not to under expose
the fact that i lived like a civilian and what people know is all they will know
never to realize that i have grown..
i sit in a tunnel just adjacent the train tracks and watch this girl
in my superman hat listening to my superman song away from this world

....(this girl)

she dances on the track illegal and free
as the train advances it appears to dance free'er then shell ever be
theres only one way this can end - the train for the girl
I reach out grab her but it was as useful as reaching through her ultra sound before her morning sickness hurled....

it drips through my fingers, this sick scent of what is and what will be -
-
....
the train flashes past crashing the very fabric of this being
a concert of sorts, a snuff party that can reveal
the true nature of a man and the wounds he has healed
i wonder is life meant to be and hop on the train and tune out
as i look behind me i see the little girl wave...

i now know the meaning of sold out

WEEK EIGHT REVIEWS:

CONTENDERS MATCH: OBJECTIVE VS EVICTION



Eviction continues to steamroll the competition just as a result of showing up and dropping solid verses. He hasn’t broken much new ground here, although his take was a little more abstract and less linear than his usual pieces. As we seen with Hal0 last season, sometimes consistency is all it takes to push yourself to championing the whole season. Objective dropped a half ass verse instead of opting for a no show loss, which is commendable but also kind of irritating since these guys finally get into contenders and champion matches and pretty much squander it away. Nothing more to be said Eviction won pretty handily.

RESULT: EVICTION WINS

MIKE WRECKA VS CANDY



Another great topic. (Thanks Pinterest) literally a dude on a paper airplane with a bunch of antigravity shit floating around him. Could literally take any turn concept wise, Candy got a little abstract here and I’ll be honest, bamboozled us into thinking he was opting for a different narrative here. In the end it turned into a gender identification piece which it usually does and disappointed us all. Mike kind of just phoned it in here, wasn’t much depth to his verse but due to his veteran experience he was able to turn it into an easy win.

RESULT: WRECKA WINS

TIMELESS VS ADVERSE



Major props to Timeless as his little hiatus seems to have done him good and refocused him in ways, looking for him to start doing some damage and perhaps taking down some bigger game competition soon. As for this week he got me and I paled in comparison to his dope story. I wrote about Nancy Thompson (you know? The girl from the first Nightmare on Elm Street? No? Oh...) anyways I love Heather Langenkamp and just wanted to write a verse about her killing shit more or less. Lol props to Timeless

RESULT: TIMELESS WINS

FRANK VS MASTER ROCK



The master of queeromonies himself. If you haven’t figured it out yet Frank is on my shit list. Anyways Master Rock dropped some of his weekly, rushed work. If him and Objective would dig their heels in and find the time to write their records would be in a lot better of shape. Frank came in with his usual faggotry. That Wrecka claimed was the best verse he’s ever read despite being around the topical game for so long. Don’t care. Never reading another Frank verse. Rot you bipedal insect.

RESULT: FRANK WINS

WEEK EIGHT NO SHOW SHINE:

Had two no shows in Week Eight, one happened to be in the championship match unfortunately. Here they are.

BROKENHAL0:




''Two Sides To The Nowhere Monster''


Staring at the pearly gates with bleeding legs fleeting moments
knowing they deserved what they got stay out the kitchen don't stir the pot
In the crimson dawn I see planet X a suit fit for a king metallic flesh
inner city's where they banished sex call the paramedics next
I hid the guns near a pheasants nest esoteric text
scribbled in blood on checkered steps stand tall in the test of time
the thoughts of a mass shooter before he kills whats left inside..

Don't attempt to run you better hide or fight to take his gun
when he steps inside
don't make a sound listen to his steps and slide
try to defend best you can you wont feel nothing from the adrenaline
use a weapon instead of hands
only 2 hours ago I was waking up in a bed of lies
he feeds off the thoughts that are dead inside
duck under the desk for fun remember playing dead is wise
that's when I reflect on times when I ate his lunch
and took his change for the bus laughed in his face as I kissed his crush
beginners luck now my deeds come back in a bigger truck
I see him at the corner of the door his eyes are glazed like he saw a war
all i hear is paw paw paw
then pop pop pop i felt my skull split split split like a coconut im getting
chopped chopped chopped ears ring then there's no sound waking up next to my body
my spirit is earthbound stuck here forever roaming school hallways pulling cheerleaders skirts down..

You think its about being ignored typical teens undersexed
and self absorbed so rebellious yet self assured
Oh yea its getting gory o yea your getting yours
principal on the loud speaker screams lock the doors
scores of youth running in chaotic fashion the weak ones getting trampled
im starting fires in the cafeteria doors swing open as smoke fills the hall
this automatic rifle is an extension of angst picking off targets
like crickets in a chameleons tank
all black camouflage teflon vest in riot gear
as I stare down sights i can hear the sirens near
no justice just the lust inside killing all the faculty who ignored my cries
using the M16 my uncle brought back from iraq when I was 5 ..

Crying teachers pleading for there lives blood drips by the liter
your kids have been brainwashed im the clean up crew for those vile creatures
degenerate parents and you wonder why he dies for high priced sneakers
first they try to reason with no restraint the trigger was pulled with no delay
one shot is all it took to see a human become an anatomy display
foggy trauma the blood splattered on a puzzled nerd with freckles
vomiting on his bag of utz pretzels near the desk a dusty red apple
represented murder in the pursuit of knowledge.

A security guard who wrestled in high school and college
went for a double leg take down I pulled the trigger
the bullet shattered his optic nerve lay down on the ground astounded
tattooed muscles with no brains for omelettes
I was a track star I run quick powder burns
from making my own gun kits let off a whole drum kit running up the stairs
pipe bombs and anarchy the cookbook of a deranged teen gaining some clarity
you can always beat a bully with a bullet right between the eyes
don't believe the bullshit such outcomes wont lead to kosher meatless chili...

I walk out the entrance still wearing my trench coat my hands glowing
red from the radioactive comet that crashed in my window
as i start growing in height tentacles and claws the national guard
firing there arms i got teeth and beastly jaws in mere seconds
I was the size of a city mall looking like a melted a squid
hairy scales and gila monster skin and the viscosity of my slimy coat
was 2 feet thick with caustic juices melting everything that's moving
the disgusting beast that grows inside the hatred the control and lies
a giant handsome octopus with 6 spider eyes and 7 past lives
gonna plant my offspring in this city to thrive
kidnapped all the hot earth woman and put em in my hive
we need a hero to kill the beast under these darkened skies

With a vest of bombs im hiding in a vestibule
I packed at school the day prior to detonate live on channel 7 news
liar say your prayers imma kill the monster and the hero
screaming stop we got you surrounded I set the timer 30 seconds to zero
as I jump from the roof onto the beast 5 seconds and counting ...BOOOM...
schools out ghouls down floating to the ground like confetti like putting spaghetti in a blender
im the monster im the victim im the shooter tombstone reads no one worthy to remember......

NYCSPITZ:



……………………….



“Are you okay?”

.
.
.
.


She asked it silently, pupils piercing a vortex of now
Rubbing toes. His sails blossoming as lord of the bow
It’s logarithmic. Horizontal dilation less the quotient of how
Everternity. Yet it’s never here for more than a count…
Saruman crystal orb mount - flow with the lore
His schadenfreude, like fruit from her light. So quoteth lenore.
purple nightshade. No other metaphor for beauty’s design
blossom briefly then suck a couple dry, two at a time
Shadow morality; we grow subconsciously like ghosts in the night
icy laughter & mocking praise versus precocious delight
two worlds onto themselves. Playful, irreverent, coy - all the above
Like sangria: 3 ounces sentiment, 2 of sorrow & love.
lid fluttering REM, Armageddon. Sinister notions of flight
Philosophies like black holes bending motion in light
Chilled shots of hemlock; suppress your shining.
what’s the mood up in heaven?
Dancing salsa with every creature in room two thirty seven
Moral acts vs monoliths. Try to move one alone -
chromosome rot. Spiraling with your nucleus flow…
kamikaze bitches plotting cervical kill & abuse
exponential progression brought to you by bimini/juice
Politicizing us with vitriol like adam and eve
Peered in their souls, and found the jealous maps to a T
Master blueprints. shifting tectonic to master relief
It’s baroque, ascend complexity like passion & heat
logging this furnace with thorny crowns like relics of pride
Relational gap. reattach as tears well in your eyes
white dressed, she’s like an alien with melanin dye -
one of the few who pierces through & sees his veteran guise.
Some destinies simply plot for misperception and lies
It’s natural. Certain fauna only harbor deception inside
Midlife crisis cars, trophy wives and further escape
natural as seagulls in open oceans circling bait
We’re losing grip on that final defense & manner of poise
didn’t need that A/C on, just the ambient noise…
Shivering in summer shorts sipping coronas at nine
Shifting reality, psuedo-schizo. Steady pouring this wine
They’re time travelers.
peering into each other’s eyes as she lies there on a hospital bed.
Found the meaning of life hidden in his gaze, lost it and slept.
One final dream before discovering



the nothingness





or mosh pit
of death.



.



POWER RANKINGS:

Will obviously be a few changes here with the sign out of former champion @Dominate (miss you already boo) and others finding a way to rise to the occasion.

#1 NYCSPITZ
RECORD: 4-0
NOTABLE WINS: TIMELESS, DOMINATE (via NS), FRANK
No real surprise here. NYC is the defending champion (by way of no show, but still counts!) he also pretty much won a championship level match the week prior vs Frank which earns him the spot in my book. NYC has used an awesome mixture of story driven narrative, strong rhyming and comedic elements to propel himself to the top of the list and my guess is he will still own this spot come next week.

#2 FRANK
RECORD: 3-1
NOTABLE WINS: ADONIS, MASTER ROCK
Ahh yes. The king of the Pygmy Hippopotamus people. All jokes and hate aside (and I mean hate HATE) Frank is a veteran and a good writer at that. His rhymes are off the charts when he’s clicking on all cylinders and he uses poetic elements such as repetition and imagery very well, he’s a good conveyor of messages. He finds himself in the Contenders match this week and will probably be fighting for the belt next.

#3 EVICTION
RECORD: 6-1
NOTEABLE WINS: DOMINATE (TIE), BLUE BAYOU, BROKENHAL0

Eviction has looked super solid this season and hasn’t given much wiggle room to his opponents. He’s emotionally driven and relatable, he doesn’t write grandiose epics but he hits you right where you can feel it (the nads?) nah the HEART. He’s got quite the challenge this week vs NYC and to be honest it’ll be super tough to get through it but don’t write him off yet. We will see what happens.

#4 BROKENHAL0
RECORD: 4-3
NOTEABLE WINS: ADONIS

Hal0 has had an up and down season but has proven to be a really great writer when the opportunity presents itself. Mostly through way of gut wrenching imagery and tackling abstract narratives. Hal0 has been trying to prove all season that his season nine championship wasn’t just a fluke. We’ll see what he does with the weeks winding down.

#5 TIMELESS
RECORD: 2-3
NOTEABLE WIN: ADVERSE

Though Timeless slumped out of the gate, he has history on his side. Winning the championship belt in prior seasons. Timeless wrote a very good verse last week, and actually took down a pretty stiff competitor (heh giggidy) so it’ll be interesting to see if this marks a turning point in the season for the veteran. Only time will tell (pun intended)


WEEK NINE PREVIEWS:
Got four exciting (I guess) battles this week, only three weeks from the end of the regular season so hopefully y’all are doing your playoff stretches now.

CHAMP MATCH: NYCSPITZ (4-0) vs EVICTION (6-1)



Eviction was bound to be back in the championship match before long, after tying with Dom in his first shot at it, and then ultimately falling to him again in the following week, Eviction has looked every bit of consistent that one can look this season. He hasn’t had a whole lot of trouble with competition and can really grab tight hold of the emotionally driven narratives that can hit close to home. NYC has had a great season and steamrolled to the championship match, this will be a great test for him but ultimately I think he can win pretty easily if he puts his best verse forward.

PREDICTION: NYC WINS 65/35

CONTENDERS MATCH: FRANK (3-1) vs BROKENHAL0 (4-3)



Got a match up of former champions here trying to catch a glimpse of another title. They’ve both been in this position before this season and both squandered it but one of these guys are getting in this time regardless. Hal0 has been a rollercoaster this season, showing us some major highs and some super lows as well. But he has managed to stay in the conversation no matter what. Frank is still a turtle fucking mongoloid but has been impressive this season. He’s probably who I would put money on, setting up a rematch of the best battle of the AOWL season next week. Take it to the bank.

PREDICTION: FRANK WINS 70/30

MIKE WRECKA (1-1) vs OBJECTIVE (3-4)



Mike is the veteran here, he hasn’t wrote to his full capabilities yet this season, not sure if he’s shaking off rust or just hasn’t had a reason to write anything mind blowing yet but he’s still got tricks up his sleeve. Objective looks great at times and then at others he totally phones it in (including last week) if he brings a shoulder shrugging effort here Mike won’t need much to crush him. And that’s what I’m betting on. Objective had a couple of impressive early wins but has been on a pretty drastic skid lately.

PREDICTION: MIKE WRECKA WINS 85/15

TIMELESS (2-3) vs MASTER ROCK (4-4)


Despite the records, this could turn into one fascinating battle if both give their best efforts. Timeless is a veteran and has champed AOWLs prior, he looked to be back in high gear last week with his subjugation of myself. Master Rock has a similar problem to Objective, his verses are half assed and he really just hasn’t been up to his full potential whatsoever this season. So when all is said and done, Rock is stagnant and Timeless is rising back up. I got him here.

PREDICTION: TIMELESS 65/35



OUTRO:
Remember, don’t have a good week, have a great week!

Ps: Julia Stiles is bad af bro