.:: The Truth Hurts ::.

UnbornBuddha · 03-27-2019, 03:48 AM

First, since its a major element, some of the multisyllabic patterns here are not as impactful as they could have been, mostly because of the mundane patterns, and the words you chose to syllabically dissect and manipulated. But when you added the element of internals it made the thing pop more. But, that's just the cursory element, let's get to the meat, what you chose to convey. It was interesting, particularly the way you juxtaposed this cultural blend of cultural folklore with modern cultural references. That was refreshing, and you conveyed an interesting juxtaposition of conceptual thoughts.
I also liked the last line, it was gritty, cool, and also kind of playful.

03-27-2019, 03:48 AM	#9
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856379	First, since its a major element, some of the multisyllabic patterns here are not as impactful as they could have been, mostly because of the mundane patterns, and the words you chose to syllabically dissect and manipulated. But when you added the element of internals it made the thing pop more. But, that's just the cursory element, let's get to the meat, what you chose to convey. It was interesting, particularly the way you juxtaposed this cultural blend of cultural folklore with modern cultural references. That was refreshing, and you conveyed an interesting juxtaposition of conceptual thoughts. I also liked the last line, it was gritty, cool, and also kind of playful.