WEEK V: Mr. J vs Innovator vs Razah[TIED 2-2]

MMLP · 01-23-2018, 05:53 AM

deciding vote on me, ill take the slack since im not in this league!

Raz – this reads like an un-rhyming poem to begin with but soon picks up mechanically. As youd expect in such a short verse! Nice word choices throughout. Simple little piece, not ground breaking but effective and enyoyable for what it is… all led to the ending punch! it works!
Think you may have just underestimated the others in terms of not writing a bigger piece, seems like a keystyle! Not bad though

Innov- the guy who robbed me in the final, arch nemesis, 0-2 record against… now you’re about to get hate voted on like a motherfucker… ahahaha only joking lad!
first part is really good tbf, hopefully its leading to some sick metaphor or turns out hes the reaper or something (getting dressed to kill lol)

“But he never sores from the cuts, yet he soars with each open door “

“The one pulling the strings until life becomes a knot. – these lines stood out”

ummm second part, shrouded in mystery, continues the piece at an interesting pace, makes me want to read on. feels like a metaphor for holding himself together atm??

third part, feels like up to this point, you’ve made someone tying his tie into something more meaningful, very dope, madness lol. Yeah that’s surely ‘death’, the ending line/ paragraph is really good imo. Ive got used to the fact that technically you’re not gonna shine as much as others, but for what this is, its great, this is you in your element and you have to appreciate that. Some will like it, others wont. Good read

Mr J – about ten lines in, flows better than the others, not a fan of using the same ending rhymes/ words but it makes for a smooth, more enjoyable read so ill forgive ya haha! no idea where this is going, im intrigued.
Whoa didn’t expect that ending!!! tried to process this, it come out of nowhere
just researched who Mary Kay Letourneau was, wtf!!
so you’re the girl (12) and has somehow gained (or his gaining) revenge on the world in a bitter state? Believing everyone else is evil as well. this ending needs clearing up to me in all honestly. if it was concise youd probably get the W

I got innov

01-23-2018, 05:53 AM	#12
MMLP Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 614 Battle Record: 15-16 Champed - Write Week 9 Rep Power: 9768091	deciding vote on me, ill take the slack since im not in this league! Raz – this reads like an un-rhyming poem to begin with but soon picks up mechanically. As youd expect in such a short verse! Nice word choices throughout. Simple little piece, not ground breaking but effective and enyoyable for what it is… all led to the ending punch! it works! Think you may have just underestimated the others in terms of not writing a bigger piece, seems like a keystyle! Not bad though Innov- the guy who robbed me in the final, arch nemesis, 0-2 record against… now you’re about to get hate voted on like a motherfucker… ahahaha only joking lad! first part is really good tbf, hopefully its leading to some sick metaphor or turns out hes the reaper or something (getting dressed to kill lol) “But he never sores from the cuts, yet he soars with each open door “ “The one pulling the strings until life becomes a knot. – these lines stood out” ummm second part, shrouded in mystery, continues the piece at an interesting pace, makes me want to read on. feels like a metaphor for holding himself together atm?? third part, feels like up to this point, you’ve made someone tying his tie into something more meaningful, very dope, madness lol. Yeah that’s surely ‘death’, the ending line/ paragraph is really good imo. Ive got used to the fact that technically you’re not gonna shine as much as others, but for what this is, its great, this is you in your element and you have to appreciate that. Some will like it, others wont. Good read Mr J – about ten lines in, flows better than the others, not a fan of using the same ending rhymes/ words but it makes for a smooth, more enjoyable read so ill forgive ya haha! no idea where this is going, im intrigued. Whoa didn’t expect that ending!!! tried to process this, it come out of nowhere just researched who Mary Kay Letourneau was, wtf!! so you’re the girl (12) and has somehow gained (or his gaining) revenge on the world in a bitter state? Believing everyone else is evil as well. this ending needs clearing up to me in all honestly. if it was concise youd probably get the W I got innov