Next Tourney I'm Paying

[Certain]

In that case, I'm Bill fucking Russell.

Actually, that centers/topical writers metaphor is kind of apt.

Peril~Eyes was George Mikan — created the style that all future stars built from to some degree, but also feels dated now.
JOWELZ was Bob Pettit — his style felt dated by the time he got in the league, but he was so damn good at it.
I was Bill Russell — won everything in every way even without elite stats.
Vern Acular was Wilt Chamberlain — dominated with his size but never left his comfort zone.
Richard Corey was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar — the best ever because of longevity and ability.
RIKOSHAY was Bill Walton — short but absolutely stunning prime.
Baron Mynd was Robert Parish — really good for a really long time, stuck around for a really long time.
SacriFICE was Hakeem Olajuwon — fluid as hell in a way that couldn't be imitated.
TaLi was Patrick Ewing — a defining figure on a huge stage who never quite was the very best.
Pent uP was Dikembe Mutombo — immensely effective defender who was a very good to great player for years.
dead man was Shaquille O'Neal — changed the game but couldn't be duplicated, dominated with size like Vern/Wilt.