Week 3: Artifice vs. Asylum (ASYLUM WINS 7-2)

Mr. J · 03-20-2016, 03:36 AM

Artifice, I have noticed that you are a new competitor
& this first showing is quite impressive for an AOWL beginner.
my guess is you are not new to topicals because it shows
your word choice is nice & you never seemed to rush the flow
it took me a second & third read to fully gather my thoughts
from the beginning you set it up nicely because it answers a lot
my first thought was just another cowboy out in the mountains
but after looking deeper I see *Death* is your subject & wow...kid...
you really impressed me although some of the wording is clunky
it took me a second to overlook it but overall this is a real fun piece
I felt the ending could have been different but oh well...
love that *pales in comparison* line you added that in so well!
nice work

Asylum, ahh the man that has placed me in such a small cell to grow
Im glad you are back online again & all I have to say is....welcome home.
your piece was quite amazing & really showcased some skilled narrative
you shed light on a journalists journey into the world of the perilous..
although I found some of your wording to be kind of weird for the most part
you still brought a chilling tale to the table & to me that really goes far
I for one...think that the use of *fluttering* was out of place in this piece
I feel like that word is commonly associated with butterflies to say the least...
otherwise you really brought your A game *I blame the cough syrup*
but I enjoyed the piece nonetheless, good show boss...word up...

v/Asylum, this was a great battle from a newcomer & the leagues coordinator
it was hard choosing a winner because both brought their own different flavor
the tale Artifice brought was twisted with some great lines & interesting concepts
but Asylum had a stronger verse by the way it had continuously progressed
this would be my choice for BOTW because both styles clash nicely against the other
I feel like this would be a close one due to the way they compliment each other...
otherwise....Asylum comes out on top for having a stronger plot & interesting ending
although I do applaud Artifices first showing...cheers mate...to an interesting beginning

03-20-2016, 03:36 AM	#3
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	Artifice, I have noticed that you are a new competitor & this first showing is quite impressive for an AOWL beginner. my guess is you are not new to topicals because it shows your word choice is nice & you never seemed to rush the flow it took me a second & third read to fully gather my thoughts from the beginning you set it up nicely because it answers a lot my first thought was just another cowboy out in the mountains but after looking deeper I see Death is your subject & wow...kid... you really impressed me although some of the wording is clunky it took me a second to overlook it but overall this is a real fun piece I felt the ending could have been different but oh well... love that pales in comparison line you added that in so well! nice work Asylum, ahh the man that has placed me in such a small cell to grow Im glad you are back online again & all I have to say is....welcome home. your piece was quite amazing & really showcased some skilled narrative you shed light on a journalists journey into the world of the perilous.. although I found some of your wording to be kind of weird for the most part you still brought a chilling tale to the table & to me that really goes far I for one...think that the use of fluttering was out of place in this piece I feel like that word is commonly associated with butterflies to say the least... otherwise you really brought your A game I blame the cough syrup but I enjoyed the piece nonetheless, good show boss...word up... v/Asylum, this was a great battle from a newcomer & the leagues coordinator it was hard choosing a winner because both brought their own different flavor the tale Artifice brought was twisted with some great lines & interesting concepts but Asylum had a stronger verse by the way it had continuously progressed this would be my choice for BOTW because both styles clash nicely against the other I feel like this would be a close one due to the way they compliment each other... otherwise....Asylum comes out on top for having a stronger plot & interesting ending although I do applaud Artifices first showing...cheers mate...to an interesting beginning __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you