Addiction =/= self loathing (Short poem)

[Objective]

I love the one I hate the most,
shove emotions back and forth.
Haunting past a different ghost,
sip a drink, then have a toast.

It's not my first, and not my last,
shifting through this mound of grass.
Life is long but not so vast,
why am I the one to last?

Twitching, bitching, lots of itching,
missing kissing? Wishful thinking...
Hissing, drizzling, fill the cup,
kill the feeling: bottoms up!